Last night I had a nightmare about someone I haven’t yet really named in my blog. I have told you about Monster, and in “Intoxication” referred to a monster from ages past… That is who I am going to write about. We will call him Peter.
Peter and I had a class together in my freshman year of college. He was twenty-four and I was nineteen. He sexually assaulted me. I never reported him. I probably won’t. But Peter hasn’t entered my dreams in a while. One would think Monster would be in my dreams since he is the one I reported, and he is the one who is on my mind most these days. But no.
In the nightmare, Peter and I were in a castle or a really rich house. There was a spiral staircase that was outside leading to the bedroom balcony. Peter was chasing me, trying to get me and either rape or kill me. It’s funny that I dreamed that. Peter didn’t rape me, he only sexually assaulted me. So why would I dream about Peter after all this time?
Waking up this morning I was on edge. That’s what I hate, when having a nightmare about Monster or Peter or any form of abuse I wake up feeling like it just happened. My heart is racing and I am anxious. Of course I eventually relax, but it’s the end of the day and I’m still thinking about last night’s nightmare.
Tonight I will struggle to fall asleep knowing that anyone or anything is waiting and can happen when my eyes fall shut.