MST

MST= Meal Support Therapy

That’s what we would do after eating a meal in treatment. We would rate our fullness on a scale of 1-10 and say how we emotionally feel.

I can say on a scale of 1-10 I feel like a 5 and feelings would be bloated, uncomfortable, fat, and proud (because I ate).

It sucks. I’m still hungry a bit, but because I feel uncomfortable with my body I probably won’t eat anymore, or I will and feel guilty. This is what I hate about eating disorders.

For me especially, feelings affect whether I eat or not. Below is an example of my therapist at the treatment center, listening to a conversation I was having about feelings and food and and actions. It may be confusing, but for those with eating disorders you may see a connection or relate to some of it.

IMG_0067

Sorry if it’s confusing. I know my therapist doesn’t have the most clear hand writing.

But I just wanted to post this because it honestly is a huge struggle to keep on my meal plan on my own. When in treatment it’s easier because there’s more structure. Now I’m on my own, and I have to force myself to make food.

It’s funny, I haven’t looked at that picture in a while, but I laugh as I read it because it mentions me drinking tea to fill up, and as I write this, I’m drinking tea. Of course, I am not drinking tea to fill up (right now) but I do occasionally do that.

But I’ve decided that I will make a snack in a bit, because it’s the healthy thing to do. I know that, at this moment I hate my reflection and feel fat but my feelings and emotions are distorting. I know that the bloated feeling will leave. Everyone gets bloated after they eat because their stomach is full. Logically I know I am not fat and that I am not ugly, but eating disorders are a mental illness and it’s a tough battle. But it’s a battle that I fight everyday, and will continue to fight.

XOXO Anna

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