So because my costume for halloween is skin tight I have been way self-conscious. Plus in my screenwriting class I have to rewrite my script on anorexia and dig deeper which means I have to go to old ways of thinking to write this accurately.
That’s my costume. I have the curves and body to pull it off, but I just feel like any fat on my body is like visible, so it’s been a bit difficult to eat since I’ve had to wear that the past two nights and I have to wear it again tonight. Then again on Halloween night too.
I have been eating, but on the minimal side. Hearing Owen say I looked gorgeous today though has combatted some of my irrational ED thoughts. I promise myself I will eat another meal sometime today. I just have to find time.
Re-writing my script on the other hand is very nerve wracking, but I’ve had this teacher before and she herself has struggling with eating disorders and offered to help me with the re-write because I told her I was scared to write it- to reveal to my class what it is really like to suffer from this disorder. My teacher said that it would make a wonderful senior project though if I can really dig deep. That motivates me to write a wonderful and powerful script, but to do that, my old thinking has been opened and it has affected my eating. So knowing how to go back to the old days and not let it affect me is my challenge for the next week or two.
But the pressure to look perfect for guys lately has been intense…