It’s the Most Stressful Time of Year

So it’s December. Not fun.

  1. First off, December is the month where my relationship with Monster fell apart. Monster crawled into a hole and never contacted me. I had to pretend that the relationship had ended to stay sane because of how ignored I was. I was also remembering bits and pieces from the night Monster raped me and was started to admit what had happened.
  2. It’s the holidays- stressful gift shopping, family visiting, friends, etc.
  3. I just got into a relationship with Shaggy- shitty timing and that’s stressful.
  4. I, at the end of this month last year entered treatment, so reminders of that are coming up.

I however love when I hear the song “Last Christmas” because it reminds me of Ethan and his hatred of the song. I personally love that song.

Overall December brings up a lot for me. I never was the biggest fan of Christmas, I always loved Halloween the best.

Shaggy and I are… fuck if I know. It’s confusing. I talked to Dean for three hours last night about Shaggy and other things.

Dean says I am superstitious with time. It’s not that, it’s just this month has been a struggle and I couldn’t figure it out until I was reminded about how bad last December was by my mother.


So let me update you on the past couple days with Shaggy and my parents. Apparently Shaggy has been working like crazy because of the holidays, hence his radio silence. Then I get a random text saying,

Okay. I have 3 days off this week. Please come to _______. I just wanna fucking cuddle with you and watch movies, and my parents said you could stay in my sisters room or my couch haha so honestly it’s sleep with me or without me but you’re more than welcome to stay.

I got this text on the way back from the Justin Timberlake concert. I asked my parents and they no to me going to him, but yes to him coming to me. Ever since Eric my parents are crazy overprotective of me.

So I text Shaggy yesterday about if he was coming or not.

You’re totally right I do I’m sorry, I really am I haven’t been texting you or anything my phones been like dead everyday after work and I pass out. I’ve just been working overtime cause of the holidays

So that wasn’t an answer to my question. I still didn’t know whether he was coming or not to which he said,

Ahhh idk I need to check how much money I have left in the bank.

Fair enough. He got back to me saying,

Okay so i’m not sure if i’m gonna be able to make it out there cause I still need to buy Christmas presents. Gahh I’m sorry 😦

I get that. From a logical, detached perspective, I understand money being tight with christmas shopping. Emotionally however I feel like I just had whiplash. He practically begs me to see him, then when I explain how my parents are being overprotective, they invite him over, and then money… god.

It took a lot of work for me to get my parents to even say yes. Since Eric, they are so scared to let any guy in. Fair points to my parents for not letting me go to Shaggy’s who I only recently met in person. I get that, normal parenting. But then I asked if Shaggy could come here instead to which my mom freaked on me, but my dad said yes.

Of course when I brought this up to my mom yesterday when I was going to the city, she said no. So we fought about that. And while hanging with Andy I got a text from my mom saying Shaggy could in fact stay because she discussed it with my father.

So damn. Fuck the holidays.

Not to mention Shaggy was posting moments on Tinder. I mean, I did post a moment on Tinder since I was going to Justin Timberlake. But gah. Dean helped me text Shaggy about Tinder and how now that Shaggy and I are together, we should really have deleted our Tinder accounts.

Dean and I talked until 3 in the morning. I forgot to delete my tinder account last night. I woke up to having a message. I checked it, then checked Shaggy’s page which said he was active only an hour ago. I texted Dean. Dean said let it go, and delete my Tinder.

Guys mess everything up. I enjoyed being single. I didn’t have to worry about all this bullshit. Damn. So I know it’s a stupid way to deal, but I am pretending I am single until Shaggy is less stressed and we can actually Skype or get together and talk about the relationship and plans and goals. Because as I always say, “Communication is key in any relationship.”

So hopefully everything works itself out.



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