A not so Merry Christmas after all…

So later today we found out that our family friend who is sick might not make it through the day. This is the family friend who has cancer.

I cried, my mom cried. My dad was asked to write a eulogy. I didn’t see my sister cry, but she was visibly upset. How does one deal with death? My only experience with death was when I graduated eighth grade and during that summer my grandma and my uncle died within a month of each other. I went to my grandma’s funeral, but my mother wouldn’t let me and my sister go to our uncle’s because of how close the deaths were.

I haven’t experienced a close death since I was fourteen. I am now almost twenty-one. Even writing this brings up a lot of emotions. I know there are the five stages of grief.

  1. Denial/Isolation
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Those are what have been told to me. I can understand the denial and isolation. I for one, though I knew he had cancer, was in complete denial that he was going to die. I also went through some isolation during that. Hearing that he might not make it through today made me incredibly sad. I still am very sad. I feel as though I will be sad about this for a long time. I also feel like this isn’t real. This person was someone who seemed to be able to do anything. Like he could conquer the world. He was so full of life…it’s just incomprehensible to think that he is or will be gone.

I just don’t understand I guess. I don’t know how to deal with loss. All I know is I hate loss whether it’s a death or just losing someone in my life due to other reasons.

I don’t even know what to say to his family when I see them at the service, which is supposed to be in a couple days. I just feel like I don’t know how to act. I feel as though I’m supposed to be strong and not show too much emotion. But in reality I feel a lot of emotion.

I know death is natural and all apart of the circle of life, but how does one deal with it? Is there a right way? I’m at a loss as to what to do, say, and feel…

XOXO Anna

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