I went to group tonight practically walking in holding tears in. We went out to a mexican and sandwich restaurant. I don’t eat either of those things. We all sat down and as soon as I looked at the menu I couldn’t hold my tears in. There was nothing there that I would eat. Our therapist took me aside and helped me calm down and we agreed on ordering a dish with the understanding that if I didn’t like it I could get an Ensure.
I ended up Ensuring it. I did try it, but it was WAY too spicy for me! After dinner we went back to our building where our group is held, and we talked about food and feelings, then general issues. I ended up crying three times in the session, and other girls ended up crying too. It seems that the holidays and the start of school have really had an impact on us. We all seemed to be having similar issues and were in similar stages in recovery. I know that I was really angry today because my sister and I went to Victoria’s Secret to get new bra’s. I wasn’t happy because my bra size got bigger. I’ve always been self-conscious about my chest and I absolutely hate that it’s bigger! But part of tonight was accepting that my body will change as I get healthier.
There was this really cool journal entry that we were assigned. The question was:
“How is your relationship with food like your relationship with people?”
I really like this Journal prompt because I haven’t even thought of it before. Now that I’m thinking about it, I am still not sure how to answer the question, but look forward to actually answering it.
After group I went home and got a couple hugs from my sister and talked to my mom. I mentioned that I wanted to get a Chihuahua as an Emotional Support Animal, and she listened to me as an adult and I felt respected and an equal, which really meant a lot to me.
So even though this was a very rough Eating Disorder group it really did help me figure out where I am struggling and to know that I am not alone in the struggle.