PTSD symptoms…

So ever since I had sex with Ramone, I feel like I’ve been struggling with PTSD symptoms all week. But they weren’t bad enough to really talk about. Tonight though, I finally dressed up because my sister and I were going out for dinner then planning on walking downtown or going to a party. All week I dressed down. Casual clothes hoping not to be noticed by any guys. Of course, I caught guys checking me out, which made me angry. My thought process was like, “Dude! Why are you checking me out? I am in sweats and a casual t-shirt! Stop looking at me like that!”

And tonight after dinner I was so scared that we just went home after. It was the first time I dressed up since I got back to school, and I just got scared. I wasn’t ready for a guy to look at me like that I guess. I’m not sure. All I know is I am kicking myself right now for being so scared. Like, why should I be housebound or dress down because of how scared I am? I should not let stupid PTSD rape triggers to make me that scared. But I realize that I should accept that something upset me enough so that I need to process through something.

I also texted Owen, and he gets the whole PTSD thing. But idk, I feel strange talking about it. Idk. Just a rough night and a hectic week. But Owen is being sweet and asking if I need anything. I asked to see if he was free for coffee tomorrow, or something. So maybe he will be free, but I don’t expect anything.

Just feeling unsafe right now :/



2 thoughts on “PTSD symptoms…

  1. Don’t kick yourself…..too many of us do that too well. Your reactions aren’t right or wrong, they just are. The fact that they are is an existance statement not a value judgement. I hope you can process through some of it, with Owen or someone else or here.
    My analogy is that your riding a bike, and hit rough ground, and are now trying to get the bike stabilized and the rhythm of the ride to return. Keep peddling 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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