So ever since I had sex with Ramone, I feel like I’ve been struggling with PTSD symptoms all week. But they weren’t bad enough to really talk about. Tonight though, I finally dressed up because my sister and I were going out for dinner then planning on walking downtown or going to a party. All week I dressed down. Casual clothes hoping not to be noticed by any guys. Of course, I caught guys checking me out, which made me angry. My thought process was like, “Dude! Why are you checking me out? I am in sweats and a casual t-shirt! Stop looking at me like that!”
And tonight after dinner I was so scared that we just went home after. It was the first time I dressed up since I got back to school, and I just got scared. I wasn’t ready for a guy to look at me like that I guess. I’m not sure. All I know is I am kicking myself right now for being so scared. Like, why should I be housebound or dress down because of how scared I am? I should not let stupid PTSD rape triggers to make me that scared. But I realize that I should accept that something upset me enough so that I need to process through something.
I also texted Owen, and he gets the whole PTSD thing. But idk, I feel strange talking about it. Idk. Just a rough night and a hectic week. But Owen is being sweet and asking if I need anything. I asked to see if he was free for coffee tomorrow, or something. So maybe he will be free, but I don’t expect anything.
Just feeling unsafe right now