I ended it with Owen and I feel like shit.

Fuck me royally. So this is the conversation.

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So I feel guilty as hell. I am usually not the one hurting someone. I am usually the one getting hurt. I feel like I’m going to cry so hard. I really liked Owen. I know I probably had a lot of trouble admitting it, but FUCK. I really wanted to be in a relationship with him. I felt good around him when we actually talked and stuff. But if we were screwing, I did feel like nothing more than sex. That’s not right. I only did this because I had to. I had to protect myself too. If I didn’t hurt him, I was going to get hurt too. Then we would both be hurting. I mean, we are both hurting right now…but idk. I just feel like shit. Did I do the right thing? I feel like I did because I should be with someone who truly wants to be with me.

I could really use some advice on what to do. I will give him space, but I really fucking want him in my life. I really do value him as a friend, as a person. If he was capable, I would love to have him as a boyfriend, but he isn’t ready. Fuck. I am angry and sad and just want to fucking punch something or smash something or self-harm even… and fuck. As you can probably tell I’m an emotional mess right now.

I’m sad because I hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him! I wanted to be with him! But I had to take care of myself too, which can be hard because I always put others in front of me and my needs, but I had to stand up for what I wanted and needed. I just want to cry and just sulk in my room. I hate this pain. I’m mad because I really do like him. Why? Why? Why did it go like this? I just want to hug him and say “I’m sorry but I need to look out for myself too.”

😥 </3

XOXO Anna

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6 thoughts on “I ended it with Owen and I feel like shit.

  1. Its important to take care of yourself. Seriously, in the end, we all have to take care of our selves then let it burn and in the end, the worst will come. We make these decisions every single day… don’t feel bad about it. Eventually, you will understand why it happen…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It really seems to me that Owen was unable to make a decision, and is sort of guilt tripping you for it now? He was the one who was keeping you waiting. You decided to take the decision into your own hands, and now he’s confused and making you out to be the bad guy in this situation?

    I just think if you take a step back and assess this from an outside view, there really is nothing you did wrong. You stood up for yourself.

    Remember: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

    It seems like Owen was treating you as an option to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow Anna, your strength and maturity shines through. One of the things that really strikes me is that you know your self-worth. You know that you deserve more, especially after four months, and you really stood up for yourself. I don’t know you but I feel proud. You did something incredibly difficult and heartrending because you know what you need, and you know that you’re not getting it from him. I understand your anxiety and pain around the decision but I firmly think you did the right thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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