Well, when I was breaking down over Owen who did I call after talking to my sister, who wasn’t being the most helpful? I texted Quick Silver. I told him what happened and he said, “come over.”
I thank the gods I met Quick Silver. He really is a good friend. I feel very thankful that Quick Silver was able to help me last week with the whole Ethan and Ramone situation, and even more grateful that he was able to help me tonight. I know it’s 3:30 in the morning… I just got back from talking with him.
We covered numerous topics. We talked about Owen a lot and the situation. He believes I did the right thing, and that I did nothing wrong. He believes Owen was in the wrong for starting to have sex with me the other night, when I specifically said I didn’t want to have sex unless the guy was my boyfriend. Quick Silver made certain things clear, and easier to deal with.
I even got into some really personal things I wasn’t sure I would talk about. I, again talked about Ethan and the whole deal with him not believing me. I talked about Monster and the rape. I talked about Peter and the sexual assault a little bit. I even talked about the night that I admitted to myself that Monster raped me, and told Quick Silver that that night I was suicidal. I haven’t really told many people that. The only people who know about that night are Ethan and Eric since they were on the other end of a Skype call. Those two saved me that night. I think Quick Silver is the first person I’ve told about that night…I didn’t even think I would go there, but again…Owen having sex with me, or starting to when I actually had the courage to voice that I didn’t want to really brought up a lot of shit.
Telling Owen the other night that I didn’t want to have sex with anyone unless they were my boyfriend was a huge thing for me, to say no. I haven’t really been able to do that, so Owen doing that really did upset me and make me lose trust in him.
Also once I calmed down after an hour or two I realized I hadn’t been that emotionally volatile since I started taking Latuda. I was going from sad and crying to really angry and talking quickly and all that shit. I was trying to gage whether or not I was a bit bipolar tonight in my reaction. I honestly, since having started taking Latuda, have had pretty stable moods for the most part. Though, I feel tonight, with everything that happened with Owen it triggered something. I mean, it’s 3 AM and I am tired but I’m still wide awake. Quick Silver said I was definitely swinging from one emotion and mood to another. I felt it too, and it was strange because I haven’t had that quick of mood changes in a while. So blah.
But seriously can we have a round of applause for Quick Silver? I really am glad he is my friend. He gave me hugs when I needed them, and held me when I cried. I haven’t had a friend who I could do that with since the end of the summer. I thanked Quick Silver so many times, and told him that I was glad he was my friend and stuff. It was funny because once all was good, he was like, “Would you mind driving me to McDonalds, I’m starving.” Of course I would! Jeez! He totally helped me through a real breakdown, the least I could do was drive him to get food. Quick Silver said he was shocked that I really broke down tonight and that I was less severe when talking about Ethan and Ramone last week.
A huge thanks to Quick Silver! And I really don’t want to have to get up in four hours to go to the doctors to get blood taken and I really don’t want to have to finish writing that essay, or go to my classes…Oh well….C’est la vie!