The most stupid argument I’ve ever heard. Victim Blaming.

I’m going to be writing about sexual assault and rape…again. I just got off the phone with my mom and lets just say that it has made me feel even worse about what happened with Owen.

She and my dad said(today and the other day):

Anna, what did you expect? You were naked with a guy! Of course he is going to have sex with you! You can’t get naked and expect him to not have sex with you. Guys can’t control themselves! You need to stop going out with guys. Think about what you did to put yourself in this situation again. If you just stopped seeing guys then you wouldn’t get in these situations. Just don’t date, or have sex with anyone.

So can we all just pause a minute and laugh at this? So that would mean that every guy I’ve made out with and half way fooled around with didn’t count. I’ve fooled around with guys (i.e. bra comes off or other things) and I didn’t end up having sex. So her argument is invalid just based on my experiences. The myth that guys can’t control themselves… please! I hooked up with some guy the end of last quarter and we fooled around to the same level Owen and I fooled around too. I was drunk and so was the other guy from last quarter. I said I didn’t want to have sex. He said, “I am not into forcing girls to do anything. We can just fool around if you want. Don’t worry.” And what happened that night? We just fooled around! No pressure whatsoever! So her argument yet again falls apart. Then she says it’s my fault. Well thanks, I really feel better about myself now. It’s not like I already was trying to figure out how this happened yet again. So in my mom’s view, if I stopped seeing guys romantically then I can’t get raped. If I just keep every guy in my life as a friend, I won’t get raped. First off BULLSHIT! You don’t have to be romantically involved with someone to get raped. Second off, so what am I supposed to do mom? Just live alone for the rest of my life and never have sex again? PLEASE!

I remember when Ethan was against me with Monster and all I was thinking about was how lucky I was to have a family who supports me. Now I don’t have a mom and dad who support me in this it seems. They say it was rape, they agree with that, but they ask me, “What were you thinking? You’re being a tease! How could you expect him to not have sex with you?” etc.

I just love how my parents are blaming me for Owen’s actions. I said I didn’t want to have sex unless the person was my boyfriend and ten minutes later Owen started having sex with me. That was his decision. Not mine.

I just keep learning I can’t trust anyone. You would think you’re parents would support you or something. Not blame you. How was I supposed to know that if I said no he wouldn’t listen? I’d been seeing him for four months. In the beginning he respected that I didn’t want to have sex when we first met and fooled around. So how in the fucking world would I have known he wouldn’t have listened? The answer is, I couldn’t have known. It wasn’t my fault. It was not my fault.

XOXO Anna

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