I feel defeated

I don’t know who tipped Owen off but he knew I reported him so when the detective and I tried a recorded phone call Owen was prepared. He said nothing happened. He said we never even kissed that night. He said he didn’t have any weed or anything. It was so traumatizing. I broke down completely after the phone call, and the detective got someone on the rape crisis center on the phone and I talked to them until I wasn’t suicidal, which yes, this phone call and Owen denying everything hit me that hard.

I immediately went over to Andy’s after I called Quick Silver sobbing on the phone. I got there and I was so dissociated and stuff. Completely breaking down beyond belief. I was at Andy’s house for six hours. Andy and his gf had to leave at some point and so Quick Silver and I stayed at Andy’s and watched my guilty pleasure 90210.

Quick Silver got in my car with me when I drove home and he ended up staying at my place last night. He told me he was going to sleep on the couch in the living room. By the way the couch is really small and not comfy. I felt bad, but Quick Silver said it was fine. This morning he tells me he didn’t sleep all night and just stayed up. I kept apologizing about last nights breakdown and Quick Silver said there was nothing to be sorry about.

I still feel bad but I also feel lucky to have Quick Silver and Andy. None of my old friends would have ever stayed the night. I mean, yes suicide was mentioned a lot last night in my breakdowns, but hey, I’m not suicidal now. Just I think I was in shock that Owen was so prepared. It all just hit me so hard and I didn’t know how to handle it.

But yeah, so now the investigation is still going on, but I feel like shit. But I am going to the rape crisis center later today for counseling. I skipped my morning class, and I am planning on going to my evening class…but I didn’t get my reading done so I feel like shit about that too. But hopefully I get some of it done.

I’m starting to think this may be too much to handle. As in, maybe I need to take time off from school or something…I don’t know. I still haven’t had that job interview. I plan on doing that tomorrow. I just ah, things are way overwhelming right now.

XOXO Anna

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