Tonight shopping for groceries wasn’t an issue regarding my anorexia but my PTSD. I went to Kroger around 8 so it was dark and I was alone. I was terrified the whole time I was getting food, dreading walking out of the store and walking to my car. I dressed down, sweats and a tank with a jacket. I didn’t want to be noticed. I wanted to be invisible.
I felt so stupid for being so scared earlier tonight. I felt defeated yet I feel successful. I went out at night, alone, and I got home safe, and nothing bad happened. It makes me feel a bit more confident about going out of my apartment once it’s dark. Plus the self-defense lessons help make me feel safe. I honestly kicked myself a lot earlier for being so scared, but I had to take a step back and remind myself that I went through something traumatic- again- and there will be issues.
There will be times when I am incredibly scared or anxious about my safety. That’s okay- as long as it doesn’t debilitate me and keep me housebound. Just trying to stay positive and not let the PTSD take over.