Young & Beautiful

Absolutely love this song ❤




My mom recommended that movie back when I was in high school. I didn’t want to watch it back then, but I am glad I watched it today. I really needed to escape from the stress of the Owen situation and school work.

I really actually loved the movie. I really love how in the end (spoiler warning) her daughter was enough for her and she didn’t need a man by her side. I don’t know, it just made me feel good. Because I know I don’t need a man by my side. Some days I forget that, but this movie reminded me that I am enough for me. Of course, it’s human nature to want to connect and all that, but I don’t need someone by my side. I can stand on my own. Of course as the Beatles wrote, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” It’s true, every now and then someone will need help getting through things. It’s only human.

But that movie truly changed my mood and even outlook for my future because I was getting a little down with what happened with Owen. I’ll admit it, it hurt like hell when Owen raped me. Hell, the thought of just kissing a guy makes me nervous and scared. But I know that in time all will work out. As I believe, everything happens for a reason. And you can learn from every situation you get in in your life. Just trying to stay positive tonight.



Caught up with an old friend

I met this guy back in sophomore year of college and I haven’t seen him in ages. We finally caught up today. I’ll call him Ethan 2.0 since he and Ethan have the same name. But we talked for an hour and I caught him up with my life.

I hope I’ll be hanging out with him more this quarter but his schedule is crazy busy. Mine is getting hectic too. And studying for my midterm tomorrow does not sound fun, but that’s what I got to do.


Trigger first thing in the morning…

I’m writing this from my phone. I was leaving my apartment and walking down the stairs to the parking garage and a guy in military uniform was behind me and I was so god damn terrified. I felt so scared and stupid because I knew it wasn’t Owen. But still every time I see a guy in military uniform I get that fight or flight response. When I made it to the parking garage I sprinted to my car because I was so scared. Even getting to my morning class I was hyper vigilant and heart racing. I called my mom and talking to her got me to calm down. I called my sister too but I think I woke her up so she wasn’t really mentally there. But I’m in class right now just trying to get back to “normal” whatever that is! 😛