Valentine’s Day Evening

I ended up hanging out with Arrow after spending the day with my mom. Arrow and I hung out downtown and he bought me a drink and we just hung out in my car until Quick Silver called me to let me know that he was home from set. I had asked Quick Silver if he could keep my lighters and safety pins so I wouldn’t have anything to self-harm with if I had the urge, and he said sure.

So after Arrow and I hung out I went to Quick Silvers and we hung out until 3 am, hence why I was so tired this morning. I gave him a rose that me and my mom got at the movies since I already had a bunch of white roses at my place and didn’t need another one. We talked for like three hours, and it was good stuff, or memories, or things we liked, etc. I even asked if I could have one of his graphic designs printed out. He offered to design something new, but we never really discussed what. Also because I am into psychology and criminology he asked me if I profiled or analyzed those around me, which I said, “No freaking duh.” So he asked me to give him his profile. I did, and the only thing that shocked him was that I said that I thought he was protective. I told him I got the protective vibe from him, and I gave him examples and he saw it once I mentioned it. He said he hasn’t been protective of anyone since his one friend in high school, so it didn’t cross his mind. I asked him to give me my profile, but it was too late, so he will tell me another day. When I handed over my seven lighters and three safety pins I told him not to lose them and that he was holding onto them until I was ready to be around them again. He said, he was keeping them until he could trust me with them, and if I did self harm with them after he gives them back that he will take them and destroy them. Some might think there is a fault in this plan, like “She can just go buy more lighters/safety pins.” Well, I wouldn’t because the ones Quick Silver has are sentimental and for some reason those are the only ones I’d use to self-harm. Quick Silver gave me a hug goodnight and we parted ways. I am glad I can trust someone. I know that I’ve probably mentioned that even though Quick Silver and Andy said they were my friends, I never really felt it. Well, the other night when Andy took me through the trauma, and Quick Silver got me to open up and be honest, I felt genuine care. I felt like they really were my friends and not just putting up with me. That’s the moment I felt like we were friends.



It’s too early

It’s almost 9 am on a sunday and I am awake this early because I have to rehearse my drama scene. Most might think 9 am isn’t that early, but it is when you didn’t get to sleep until 3 am. So he actually just got here, and I’m finishing breakfast.