So last night this guy that I hooked up with at the end of last quarter messaged me. So he came over and we watched Avengers…until we started making out. Then we did more, and more, and then I decided to have sex with him. You read that right. I decided. I didn’t post about him because it honestly wasn’t really anything. This guy is a douche when it comes to himself because he is self-centered, egotistical, and narcissistic. But when it comes to women he is respectful and kind. I know, he is confusing. Never met any guy like him before.
But all I am saying is I am SO happy that I was able to have sex. I honestly thought that Owen, after that, I was broken. I thought that I would never be able to have sex again and enjoy it.
When me and the guy started, after a couple minutes I did get overwhelmed and started crying a bit. He stopped and held me, asking me if he did anything. He actually tried to comfort me… not something I’m used to. But I told him I wanted to keep going, that I just needed a minute. He also doesn’t know my sexual history of sexual assault and two rapes. I didn’t tell him. I wasn’t ready, and didn’t think I had to since I thought of last night as a one time thing. Training wheels to get me back on track with my confidence. And after I composed myself, me and him had a really fun night. I almost at points forgot that Owen raped me. It was empowering. I felt like I wasn’t broken, that I still could enjoy sex, and give enjoyment to the partner. I felt hope. I felt like I had my confidence, or some of it, back in the bedroom.
Really happy right now! 😀
Plus, I got into another college!