My acting final is tomorrow. I finally chose a monologue today. I am so fucking scared. Not even joking. I chose a monologue I know I can do, but it’s hard for me to do because it’s about love. It’s the same issue I’m having that I had with my Fault In Our Stars monologue I did in the beginning of the quarter.
This is the monologue. It’s from Grey’s Anatomy when Lexie tells Mark she loves him.
I love you. Oh, g—Oh, my God. That just came fly-flying out of my face like it was s-s-some kind of—I-I I love you. I just—God. Did it again. [laughs] I…I-I-I-I love you. I do. I just—I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it. And Jackson is a great guy. He—he is, and he—he’s gorgeous, and—and he’s younger than you, and he doesn’t have any grandkids or babies with his lesbian B.F.F.s and he’s an Avery, and—and he liked me, you know? He really liked me. But it was never gonna work out because I…I love you. I am so in love with you. And you’re—you’re in me. It’s—you’re like—it’s like you’re a disease. It’s like I am infected by Mark Sloan. [laughs] And I just can’t—I can’t think about anything or anybody, and I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. I can’t eat. And I love you. I just—I love you all the time, just every minute of every day. And I-I-I-I I love you. God, that feels good, just to—to—say that—I feel so much better. Just…I love you. [beat] Mark?
I am crazy nervous. I first have to memorize it. Then I have to rehearse it. I need to find someone to rehearse in front of. Fuck. I think I’ll text Quick Silver or someone. I pray that my Detective final goes well later today. I also hope that my acting final goes well too.