[Another post I wrote for Ideafortoday.com and thought I would post it here]
My last post I talked about love and how a person falls in and out of love. This post is going to be about communication in relationships.
5 Languages of Love. Have you heard of that before? Gary Chapman wrote his book 5 Languages of Love and it sold. He made books for couples, or married couples, and even regarding children.
To break it down there is:
- Act of Service [for these people actions speak louder than words]
- Physical Touch [this person likes to hug and have contact with the other person]
- Words of Affirmation [words have a profound impact on the person]
- Quality Time [Giving the other person your undivided attention]
- Gifts [receiving gifts makes this person feel loved]
Those are the five languages. When we first learned about this in psychology I was very curious to see what my love language was. I ended up with having Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical touch being my tops languages. A person can have more than one love language. I was very intrigued and when learning about this, it explained some of the reasons my relationship at the time was faltering. My boyfriend wasn’t spending time with me, and to me that meant he didn’t care about me, because to me, being loved means spending time together. I learned that I need someone who enjoys spending time with their significant other.
I’ve heard couples complain about each other and about how one doesn’t do the chores when asked, or the other never buys them gifts on special occasions, and that they felt hurt and unloved by their partner. These are examples of the couples who never talked about what they need to feel loved. They never talked to each other about the fact that what the other person was not doing was hurting them. I’ve even heard couples defend themselves, saying, “Of course I love her! I tell her that everyday.” The problem is, his partner wasn’t a Words of Affirmation person, but a Physical Touch person, and because he never really hugged her when he would get home, she felt unloved.
So if you’re in a relationship, think about this. What is your love language? What is your partners? If you are aware of your partners love language, you have a higher chance of getting along and having the relationship survive. Something to remember: Some people like to give in one language and receive in another.
I personally love to buy people things. All my past boyfriends were spoiled off me. I don’t know why I like giving people gifts, but I do. But if my boyfriend gave me a gift that never really did much for me. I, of course, appreciated it, but I would have rather spent time with him, or talking and cuddling.
Now that you know about this, talk about it with the person you’re dating or are in a relationship with. Maybe you subconsciously knew about the love languages. Maybe not, but now you have the chance to talk about this if there are issues in the relationship. I always say, Communication is key. No relationship can survive if you don’t talk to each other about needs and wants.
Want to know you’re love language profile? Take the quiz!
Here is the link: 5 Languages of Love Quiz