[This is a post I wrote for Ideafortoday.com and thought I would post it here too]
Ever want to know why you fall in and out of love? What makes you attracted to a person? What attracts them to you? Well, I’m going to tell you about it!
I am in love with psychology and love studying it. In one of my classes we talked about the psychology of love. That was by far one of my favorite topics we covered. I did always wonder why someone falls in love with another person and why they stopped being in love with someone. I’m about to explain Love to you guys through psychology terms.
Let’s start by defining love. It seems so simple, but do you really know what love is? Is it a noun? A verb?
In truth love is a verb. Love is a behavior. Here are two definitions that were given in class.
- The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing ones own and/or another’s “spiritual growth”.
- You make a contribution to your own or anther’s well being. You do not have to feel good about the other person in order to love them.
Falling In Love (or infatuation/lust)
Signs and symptoms
- Lots of preoccupation with the person
- The person seems “flawless” to you
Falling Out Of Love
Signs and Symptoms
- Low preoccupation with them
- Low sexualization
- Flaws go up (or you actually see them)
- Built up tolerance to PEA
Now that we know the signs of when you fall in love and out of love, we beg the question of why?
To answer that, it all has to do with Pheromones. Pheromones are a lock and key type of deal. In our bodies we create a chemical called PEA. PEA increases in our system, which drives the “in love” stage. PEA is a chemical in pheromones that when increased, one gets a feeling of ecstasy. The problem with this, is that after a period of time, we build up a tolerance to it, which leads us to falling out of love.
When two people are in love the boundaries overlap. It’s like a ben diagram, where two circles overlap and there’s shared space. When people fall out of love, the two circles separate, and that’s when the two people have their own space and can think and see things clearly and can be objective.
Another factor that plays into love and relationships is testosterone!
- This is the chemical that is the source of the sex drive
- High Testosterone people tend to be sexual, think and talk about sex, are easily aroused. Sex is also not only pleasurable but also a release for stress. They can also dress provacatively.
- Low Testosterone people tend to not think or talk about sex, are slower to be aroused. Sex is not a stress release to them. Also they tend to dress modestly
Now why are we talking about this? Because, the levels of testosterone between two people plays an important factor in romantic relationships. Ever heard a friend complain about their significant other constantly wanting sex, or the opposite, that they never want to be romantic? Well, testosterone explains it!
If you are in a relationship, and one person is High T and the other is Low T, things tend to get complicated.
If a High T and Low T are in a relationship together, the Low T person may feel as if all they are is an object to the other person, whereas the High T may feel like the other person doesn’t love them. Sex is an important part within romantic relationship and if you find yourself in a relationship with the opposite testosterone level that you are, then you have to talk about sex and the role it plays if you want the relationship to survive.
If this is your case, then the High T person needs to spend time building up the Low T person, whereas the Low T person needs to build up empathy for the High T person with pent up sexual energy. One thing that was done in these cases was for the couple to sit down and talk about sex and how many times a week they would have sex, that way both people in the relationship got their needs met.
So if you’re in a relationship, this information could help you solve some issues you might be having. It might explain some behavior, or your own feelings. I’ll be making another post about love that might also help your dating life and relationships when it comes to communication.