Fun Lunch, Hindsight, and Love

I went to CVS which is across the street from where Cody works and he asked me to drop by, so I did and we went out to Panera for his break. I am SO happy we did that because I honestly was not going to be eating a decent lunch today. I feel ten times better now that I have food in my system.

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We talked a lot during lunch. We talked about our sisters. He really does not like his sister. I love mine. He apologized for me seeing his “dark” side. Honestly though it was his “dark” side it was nice to see. It makes him more human. I think I’ve mentioned this on my blog before, but I tend to like people for their flaws, not their perfections. I personally love seeing others flaws, I think because it makes them more relatable. I am glad Cody did open up about his feelings for his sister. He apologized after, but that was important for me to know and see. I told him that when in a relationship, you are getting to know a person, the good and the bad. If you are to truly accept someone in your life, you accept the good and the bad.

James Michael Sama has been one blog that I love to read! I love his posts about relationships and though there are posts I can disagree with, he makes tons of good points in some posts. I remember each time I was in a relationship, I would read his posts and think to myself, “Why doesn’t the guy I’m with do this or know this?”

10 Tiny Things In A Relationship That Are Literally A Big Deal is a really good post that I can agree with. Those things mentioned in the article are true. In past relationships there were many times where those key things were missing.

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Love notes, James explains it as something as simple as an “I miss you” and it can be that simple. I know that in past relationships maybe…okay, Monster, Eric, and Owen were the only ones to have ever texted me I miss you. Sadly those were the worst of my past. I am excellent at letting people know my feelings for them through writing. I used to express to Ethan what was on my mind through notes. I never wrote a love note, except for Eric for his birthday. After Eric though I honestly am not sure I could write another “love note” like that unless I really trusted them. Ethan was a great listener and so was Eric. Monster had psychological insight which was nice when I talked. Captain America however was very immature and couldn’t really listen or understand my emotions. Good morning texts are always nice for sure. I think Monster was the one who texted me good morning.

Reliability! That is huge! Ethan was never reliable, making it hard to trust him. Monster was decently reliable. The others not so much. But that is a huge thing in relationships is being reliable. If you say you’re going to do something then do it. If you say you’re going to be there be there. Patience is also important in a relationship. Ethan was the person who taught me patience at first because as most people know I am not always a patient person. But patience really does go a long way when in a relationship. Honesty, that is the biggest one for me. I am a very honest person and I’ve had to deal with lots of liars and that is the one thing I won’t accept. Lies. I used to tell people, whether a friend or romantic interest, in the beginning that honesty and trust are the most important things to me, so if you lie to me you’re out of my life. I really have issues with people who lie to me. It’s completely disrespectful. Making your partner feel safe is another big one. Honestly if I feel safe with a guy then that’s all that matters. With Owen I never felt truly safe with him. That was a huge reason as to why I never got attached or took it too seriously. Compromise, that’s another big one. In the past compromise was pretty nonexistent for me.

Reading most of James’ posts I look back and wish I had spoken up to the guys I was with because there were so many flaws. So many red flags that I just ignored because I thought I didn’t deserve better. I also have to say loyalty should be added to that list because loyalty is very important.

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With Cody I feel safe, like genuinely safe. That’s new for me. I like it though, I really do. Cody also seems to be reliable which is also very nice. Looking back I see a lot of differences in Cody from the others. Good differences.

Then James posts about love a lot. I have many opinions on love and the concept of love, but that all depends on how cynical I’m feeling that day 😛

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Two of my posts that talk about love are The Psychology of Love and The 5 Languages of Love. Those are very important posts. In my psychology class back when I was with Ethan, my teacher taught us about love. It is very true that society portrays love in a false way. To say “I love you” to someone is a big thing. To say that to someone means that you accept them for who they are, faults and all. It means that you will be there for that person no matter what happens. Most people think they love someone but end up realizing they don’t. Why do people do this? Because of the chemicals! In the psychology of love post it explains it clearly why and how people fall in and out of love. I hate that. I hate the concept of falling in love. Falling in love is superficial and doesn’t mean anything. Falling in Love should be renamed Falling in Lust. Loving someone means something. “In Love” is the stage of a relationship where you see the other person as perfect. If you think the person is perfect you don’t love them. You love what you think you see and know.

Yes, there is a process to loving someone, and part of it is going through that phase of everything is perfect, but what really counts is when you see the person you’re with, and you know the good and bad, and you still feel that way. You still can say to yourself I love that person. That’s real true love. My teacher and all the classmates agreed that society portrays love in a false and damaging way.

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I’ve mentioned before that the only two people I loved or “fallen in love with” were Ethan and Monster. The Ethan experience was shit, and I vowed I’d never utter those words to a guy unless he said it first, and after Monster I vowed I’d never “fall in love” again. Of course those vows won’t last forever, but it gave me a feeling of control. The truth is, when it comes to emotions and love, there is no control. It happens or it doesn’t. Trust me, I’ve tried to keep myself from loving someone because for me, my experiences with love have been painful and terrible. The only thing I know from love is being hurt and dissapointed.

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Love is a choice. To love someone is a big choice. It’s easy to be attracted to someone but it’s hard to love someone. Loving someone isn’t easy and fun like they show you in the movies. Loving someone is a wonderful thing, but it also means you are there during the difficult times, you stick it out through the 2 AM fights, and that you try you’re best to compromise on issues the two of you have. Falling in love is easy, but loving someone, truly loving someone is hard.

But then, people say if it’s easy then what’s the point? I can tell you first hand how hard it is and was to love Ethan. I love him as a friend today, and you know why? Because once you love someone, or choose to love them, truly love them you don’t stop. Sure the way you love a person can change, but you always love them. Am I still not fully okay with Ethan? Yeah. But as my psychology teacher said, “You don’t have to like someone to love them.” That really spoke to me, because I don’t like Ethan very much anymore. He has changed from the person I used to love (romantically speaking). But I can’t stop loving him (as a friend). And Monster? How twisted is it to say I love him (as a person)? It’s fucked up, like way fucked up. But again, I “fell in love” with him and though he raped me, I will always care for him. I know you must think I’m crazy, but with all Monsters faults, I still care.

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It takes time to love someone for who they truly are. Sometimes a person can fall fast and hard for someone, or sometimes it takes time. But you always can know whether you’re going to fall. The sad thing is you can’t stop it once it’s started. That’s the scariest and most exciting thing about love I would say. Love is an adventure. One with ups and downs, laughter and tears. Love is one hell of an adventure. If you’ve never “fallen in love” or loved someone, then when you do it will sweep you off your feet. It is one hell of an experience. An experience worth living for, really. What’s life without love? A boring one.

What are your thoughts on love?

XOXO Anna

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