So if you read my previous post, you’ll know that I have anxiety about the whole bathing suit thing. I went and jogged on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Well, I jogged straight for 10 minutes, which is a huge improvement from two weeks ago. Then the rest of the time I switched between walk breaks and jogging and finished with a sprint. Warning this next sentence could be triggering.
I, in the end, burned 182 calories and ran a total of 1.6 miles. I know I need to get fit. I am not a runner, never was. I hate running actually, but we have a nice treadmill at home and I needed to feel like I had some kind of control over all this bullshit.
I know 182 is like having two bananas, but still I feel good about exercising. I think the fact that Cody and I have been having a lot of sex is what got me to be able to jog for 10 minutes straight. Sex is a good work out itself. But yeah, I went on the treadmill for the wrong reasons, but half way through I just let myself go at my own pace instead of pushing myself too hard.
I kind of feel guilty about exercising, but at the same time I didn’t over do it. I just had the intense urge to exercise so I wouldn’t feel so bad about myself and my body image. I don’t know if I did the wrong thing by exercising… I also know I am not supposed to be counting calories. I am not counting food calories I’ve had, but knowing the amount of calories I’ve burned is also not good. I also want to weigh myself but if I do, I’ll stop eating then and there if the number isn’t what I want. Is it right for me to feel guilty over exercising? Or was it okay because it was a normal amount and I didn’t over do it?