Fucking Pissed

So I know I just posted but my mom again was … annoying. So I, after posting, was fighting off the urges to self harm and was looking up on the internet ways to cope and stuff. I always knew about the ice cubes and have done it before, but only once. I never put the ice cube to where I cut, but held it in my hand. This time I went downstairs and opened the freezer and there was literally one ice cube left. I quickly grabbed it and ran upstairs, desperate, and shut my door.

tumblr_n9qcxarnGE1rlnbkeo1_250

I put the ice cube to my arm, where I cut, and I was definitely understanding why it works, or at least makes the urges manageable. I wasn’t even close to getting a high from it when my mother bursts through the door. I am holding the ice wrapped in a t-shirt in one hand and my mom is like, “Are you cutting?” I tell her no. “Why do you have ice?” My mom persists. I told her it was hot and I wanted ice. She didn’t like the answer and I threw the ice out and told her to get out.

tumblr_inline_n4wlvvyrBP1qb19wj

She left but told me to keep the door open, I told her I was going to Cody’s. I was so fucking pissed and still am. I didn’t get what I needed to keep the thoughts and urges at bay. I am at Cody’s right now, on his computer writing this and I am so… ahhhh. I just, as I wrote in my previous post, Can’t Take It Anymore!

tumblr_ndwgij92V81tq4of6o1_500

I write, yet again, that I hope the rest of this evening goes well…but today just seems to not be my fucking day.

XOXO Anna

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s