I am so fucking done right now. I just … I just got home from going to the grocery and jeez. I originally went to go get Cody some stuff and I picked up stuff for me too and for my sister. I bring in the grocery bags and my mom asks me why I went to get food. Ummm…..Okayyyy, what the fuck. Why would she ask me why I went? Like, that is huge progress for me! I didn’t totally get a panic thing when going, mainly because I was buying stuff for Cody and my sister. Though I didn’t realize there were different types of peanut butter. I was going to get peanut butter and jelly for when Cody comes over so he can make a PB&J for himself but I got so overwhelmed I just didn’t get it, plus Cody is picky about his food and didn’t want to risk getting it if he wasn’t going to eat it.
Anyways, so I get home and start unpacking what I got and I tell my mom that I got my sister Nibs (twizzler candy), Mini Chocolate Chip Muffins (that she loves!), ice cream (that she ran out of), and these scent boosters for laundry (that we ran out of). My mom gets mad at me for that. She gets fucking mad!? Really? Why? Well, she was like, “Tonight isn’t about you. It isn’t a competition. We still have to talk with her, and it’s not about you. Don’t give it to her tonight.” I got defensive, as per usual, and I started talking (or screaming) back. I told her I bought this for my sister because I knew she loved all of it, we were out of it, and I figured it was a nice peace offering.
My dad gets angry because he hears the both of us screaming at each other. I go in and explain to dad what I did, and at first dad’s on my side and thinks it’s nice, but then I don’t know how, but he ends up on my moms side. He says it was nice of me to do, but if I figured she wouldn’t care, why do it. I did almost attack my mom like the gif above, I mean I sure as shit stepped forward but stopped because I knew I wouldn’t do anything, but she needed to know how pissed I was.
I did it because even if she doesn’t react well or at all, she at least see’s I am trying. I am trying, truly. That’s the point.
So I am so upset again. I really… fuck, I wanna run away, or self-harm, or both! I can’t take it anymore. I can’t have them all angry at me. And, my dad was like, “Did you get smartfood?” Which I did. “Can I have some?” I gave it to him.
I went out to get my food. My food. But I didn’t want to make matters worse, so I let him have it, and knowing him most of it will be gone. I love smartfood, and now I will run out faster and I don’t know when I’ll get the courage to go to the grocery again. Fuck.
It’s annoying because I told my mom I was staying at Cody’s tonight, but she knew I was going to be coming home before I headed over. I don’t know, I am just not having all this shit. I seriously hate living here right now. It sucks. I rather be in GA where I could run into Owen than be in this toxic house.