Last night Cody and I had sex. It was amazing, for both of us. But I’ve never been that intimate/close emotionally/physically with anyone in my fucking life. It was terrifying yet amazing and exciting, but it really was kinda crazy. Like afterwards my mind was racing a million miles a minute. I sat in the shower for a while, Cody I think fell asleep to my luck. He was all like, “If you’re not back in bed in five minutes I’m coming in to check on you.” I was probably in the shower for ten or more minutes. When I got back to my room Cody woke up and we talked because he knew I was off. Intimacy… it’s new to me. I was not used to that, but it was amazing, but scary, but… It was so overwhelming to me that I didn’t want to touch Cody because I was just scared. I explained why to Cody. He said he wanted me to be comfortable with the intimacy and with him and stuff. When we went to bed, I haven’t held onto someone so tightly since I lost my virginity to Monster.
Cody gave me this journal, and this morning I was still trying to process last night, and I had to get up early to drive my dad somewhere, so while I was waiting for him to come back so we could go back home I wrote in the journal all my thoughts and feelings about last night. I then, because I still had processing to do, told my dad about it and he gave me good advice.
But wow. Probably still processing… But damn.