I haven’t posted in a couple days because my life has been crazy. Figuring out the train and subway system in NYC for school was a challenge and my commute sucks, but my teachers and classes are so worth it. But I am crazy exhausted after I get home from NYC.
Also for the past couple days (like since thursday) we knew my sister was planning on telling us who she was moving out with. On saturday she left the country without telling us. Long story short, she went to meet some guy she’s been talking to online. I know fucking stupid as fuck. We went to the police and the cop actually got a hold of her. She says she is safe, and she refused to tell him when or if she was coming home. My sister is royally pissed at our family and today she texted my parents to “Fuck Off.”
As Deb said in Dexter, “You’ve always been there. I don’t know what my life looks like without you.” We basically have been keeping track of who she is talking to through myverizon online. At least we know she is using her phone, meaning she is safe and well.
My family had a huge fight last night, like a fucking blow out, and it was right as Cody got to our house. Now no one outside the family ever see’s our family fight or fall apart. The whole time our family was fighting, knowing Cody was in the other room, I felt so uncomfortable. I was so terrified of what he could be thinking of our family or wondering if he was just going to leave and come back later or something. But the family was fighting about how to deal with my sister hoping plane out of the country to go on some fucking adventure with some guy she talked to over what we assume is Omegle. We know she has met another guy on there, who we contacted. He has been helpful with letting us know that she is okay since she is talking to him.
But seriously the fight was bad, like my parents mentioned divorce and moving out bad. That’s my worst fear. If you have read my blog you might have read my parents love story. They are the reason I believe in love and in marriage. Though, I posted about my feelings on marriage too. Though things from that post might be a bit outdated since maybe my opinions have changed, or maybe I’m more open to other things or whatever. But this morning my mom said my dad slept in the guest room and that they didn’t make up like each one promised me they would.
After all that Cody and I had a great night. We had sex, I showered while he went out to get something, then we watched Dexter, and had sex again. Except the second time we had sex well it was making love. This is the third time it’s felt like this. But seriously holy fucking hell Cody completely floored me again with the fact that he was open with his emotions and how he feels about me. He said I’m the best thing that’s happened to him, and he says how much he loves me, like he’s never loved anyone like this and ah. Seriously like holy fucking hell. There was also this way that he was looking at me in the shower later that night after he said all that sweet stuff and it hit me and I was like, “Shit, you really do love me don’t you?” I usually haven’t in the past held eye contact with him, at least not for long because it’s too nerve wracking, but last night in the shower I held eye contact. Like, hell I wanted the intimacy and closeness. It wasn’t scary, for the first time. Like during sex, after, and in the shower, the whole time I wasn’t scared of intimacy. I actually wanted it.