When I’m single I usually have time to do whatever I want. Being in a relationship I don’t always have that time. But today, being off work, and just doing me, I’ve been pretty happy today. Not to say I’m not happy with being with Cody, hell no. I’ve never been happier with anyone than him. But I forgot how much I loved reading, mainly because I used to read to escape the real world, and same goes with writing. It’s just, being happy for me means I don’t always do the things I used to do. I got two books today at Barnes and Noble to read, and I plan to write today. It’s been a good day so far.
Also my parents met Cody’s dad. It was an interesting night. My mom drank a lot, and it was karaoke night at the restaurant we went to…and she got up and sang. I couldn’t take that night sober, so I drank. I even took a video of when my mom grabbed Cody and they were dancing and…wow. I laugh every time I watch that. I know Cody hates it when I video or take photos, but I am a sentimental person who likes memories…especially when my memory sucks. Every since my trauma’s my memory has been terrible to say the least. So I love when I can video things or take pictures. I WANT to remember these times. Even if they are embarrassing because one day we can laugh at them.
I’ve been pretty scared over the past couple days. Scared of intimacy. Scared to be close. And during the past week or two when I was really depressed all I wanted was to push Cody away so I could deal with it on my own, not because I wanted to deal with it on my own, but because I wanted to spare him being around me like that. But he was amazing. He stayed with me, helped me through it, and just wanted to help. It was nice to have Cody be there for me. I know I should probably let him be there but it’s still hard for me to do and to accept.
Hope everyone has a good weekend! I am working on Saturday and doing a double on Sunday so my weekend will be hell.