Lots has happened since I last posted. After I posted last I broke down completely. India came up to the attic to check on me. I poured my heart out to her and we seemed to be in a better place after that.
I spent Christmas eve with Cody and his family. I met his grandparents. Dinner sucked though. Cody and I got into…or well Cody did something that hurt me but no worries we are good now. But I really wasn’t sure for a while. I really wanted to self harm but I couldn’t because I was at the dinner table when it all went down. I started using my wrist band and snapping it against my wrist just so I could focus on that so I wouldn’t break down at the dinner table. After a while that didn’t cut it and I held the band tightly against my skin and rubbed it back and forth on my wrist. I did it too much and broke skin. My wrist still hurts which sucks, but whatever at least I didn’t “really” self-harm.
Anyways, Christmas was good. I woke up and spent the first half at my house with my family and then went to Cody’s house to spend the rest of Christmas with his family. Christmas morning I talked to my dad about what happened with Cody and he is the one who helped me get over it or at least be okay about it. India bought Cody a present and she even wrote him a note. That was huge for her. When my dad was wrapping Cody’s gift he asked if he should write from “the in-laws” which I said I think Cody would like. That’s my dad’s sense of humor for you.
Christmas at Cody’s was amazing. His family rocks. I met his aunts, uncles, and cousins. He has a big family and half of them weren’t even at the Christmas dinner. I loved my Christmas with them. I even ate normally! It was amazing. Like, growing up, I always wanted a big family and never had one and last night I knew what it was like to have a big family so to speak and it was really fun.
I got home today and things went back to hell. See, tonight was supposed to be hibachi with India, her boyfriend and me. But this morning before I got home my mom called me and said that Cody, me, them, and my granddad were going out to dinner. I assumed that my mom had spoken to my sister. But then I got a text from India asking me to make reservations for us tonight because she, her boyfriend, and friend were joining dinner with us.
My sister is not ready to be in a room with Cody so I figured some miscommunications had happened. Getting home I said, “there’s been miscommunication.” I talked to my parents in the upstairs TV room, and my sister’s room is down the hall so she heard everything. She got the impression that I wanted to have dinner with Cody more than with her. She was crying and I went to her room to talk to her and she was yelling at me. My dad intervened and said some stuff that I personally knew was probably the wrong thing to say in the situation. My sister got really hurt when he said that we were all on pins and needles since she’s gotten home.
It’s true though, we all don’t know what will make her explode. She all have tried to be cautious with our actions and words. Though I’ve mentioned Cody a lot and that’s only to get her to be desensitized, which I explained to her days ago.
So today’s plans have totally fallen apart. My sister, her boyfriend, and friend are doing hibachi without me. My parents cancelled our dinner so Cody and I are back at his house now and his dad is going to make us dinner.
It’s crazy how something as simple as miscommunications about plans made us loose the progress we’ve made over the past 6 days. I honestly thought I was getting my sister back. I actually had hope. Now… everything feels crushed. My family is hoping that she calms down by tomorrow and that we can all be peaceful again.
Cody and I might have a poker night, finally, but not sure yet. Hopefully the rest of today goes well…