Dissociating

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I was fine earlier today. Hell I wrote my book all day then napped. Cody got home and we made out and wanted to have sex but we had to go out to dinner for his dads birthday. Then at dinner I started dissociating. I don’t know why. I can’t even remember half of the conversation that went on at the table. I wasn’t really there.

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Cody still wants to have sex, I want to want to have sex. I mean, if my mood changes and I’m not dissociating when Cody gets home then I would love to. Cody went to his house to duel with his brother. I am not sure what to do right now. I could try sleeping, or get in a shower… but I just don’t know. I hate being dissociated because I feel disconnected from myself and everyone around me. I am really getting sick of my PTSD acting up. I am really starting to feel like a major failure. I just pray that by the time Cody gets home I’m not dissociating. He really wants to have sex and I don’t want to let him down. I know he would say if I am not okay then we won’t do it, but I feel bad. I feel so sad that I’m getting triggered and dissociating and just being a PTSD mess.

XOXO Anna

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