Last night, again, I got triggered during sex. I am getting really upset now. Two times in a row? I feel so bad… like I know Cody is understanding and says it’s not my fault and I shouldn’t feel bad about being triggered, but I do. I feel like a failure. Maybe it’s because January 18th marks one year since Owen? Or because we just got back from Savannah? I have no idea, but I am triggered. I hate it so much. Getting triggered during sex feels terrifying and like I haven’t gotten past it. It is confusing and annoying and I hate it.
I don’t get why it keeps happening. Plus I keep having nightmares about being captured, raped, or that Cody is cheating or leaving me… I hate it. I don’t get why my PTSD symptoms are coming up…unless it’s the anniversary which would make sense. I am going to keep writing and stay busy until school starts, which one of my books should be arriving in the mail today!