I don’t know what changed, but I feel a lot better about Cody today. I told him everything about how I was feeling. I hated telling him that I felt certain things but after I told him I felt a bit better. When we pulled into the diner parking lot, Cody was telling me how much he loved me. How he couldn’t imagine anyone else in his life that he could marry and be happy with. He told me a lot about how he felt about me. For some reason hearing all that really changed my feelings and attitude.
Then we sat in the booth together on the same side and I just held him and talked to him. Something felt different, in a good way. It felt like we were moving forward for the first time since the incident. Then we went to get some car stuff so he could work on his car, and we went to a jewelers to look at engagement rings. We then went home and I was feeling so good about us and I was feeling so confident about the fact that we were going to get through this that I really wanted to have sex.
I had my computer out and was about to do my homework, but Cody came and sat on the bed and he turned me on and I then told him I wanted to have sex, and I wanted to feel close and feel intimate. We had amazing sex. But before we had sex, and we were making out, it felt like it was the first time I was with him or even with a guy. It was the strangest thing and I felt totally embarrassed by it for some reason. It was so strange to feel like I was about to have sex for the first time. But yeah, anyways we had amazing sex, and I just felt a lot closer to him and more confident that he really was sorry about what happened and that he wasn’t going to hurt me again.
We then were exhausted and we cuddled and napped together. Over the past week I had wanted to be a bit distant from him and I didn’t really want to cuddle or be physical, but when we napped today I was so happy to have him holding me. It felt right. It made me feel safe. I finally felt like I was with the Cody I fell in love with. I don’t know what happened today but I am thankful because I was getting scared.
Now I am doing homework and he is gaming. We then have to get ready for our valentine’s day dinner. Yes it’s tomorrow, but the restaurant we want to go to would be packed tomorrow so we are doing our valentine’s dinner tonight.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend so far!