Cody and I are back. We are back to being the us that we were before the porn thing. I feel those feelings of trust and love. I feel like he loves me. What happened that caused us to get back to a good place? Well, Cody called me and told me he was going to be late coming home but he just wanted to get home to “make sweet love to me.” Yes, he described his desire to have sex with me in those words, and it was those words that saved us.
I knew we were going to have sex yesterday evening and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Since the incident he has described having sex with me by saying “I want to fuck you” and to me that is not romantic or personal. It is detached and makes me feel like an object. So when Cody said that he wanted to make sweet love to me…for the first time in weeks I felt like he actually loved me. I guess I felt unloved by Cody this whole time.
But we had sex twice last night. The first time being so emotionally close and healing for us both. The second was late at night and extremely intensely passionate, which was also healing. I feel like I have the Cody I fell in love with again. I am honestly so happy. I am so happy that Cody finally showed me he loved me by not only describing sex as something he wanted to do because he loved me but actually during sex, with the emotion and passion did he show me how much he loves me.
I am so happy to be around Cody, I trust him again, and I just feel like we are back to the place we were before Cody made that mistake. I do believe he loves me and will support me and all that good stuff. I guess even though the past weeks I knew he loved me, I didn’t feel he loved me. Finally my emotions and logic have lined up and I haven’t been happier. I’ve been very upset and depressed since the porn thing but for the first time in over a month am I truly happy. So glad to finally be back.