Last night’s dinner was hell. I haven’t had time to post for the past couple days and finally I have time. My parents have been on my ass to get either a job or internship this summer once school gets out. Also because my parents have been constantly criticizing Cody and me we wanted to move out. I don’t know where Cody and I stand on that at the moment, but I personally think I still want to move out. I just can’t take my parents treating me like I’m in high school. I’m 22 years old and I should be able to make my own decisions.
But last night at dinner Cody, me, and my mom were drinking and eating while talking about me. Talking about how my mom thinks I am weak, a child, and dependent. It’s true that I am financially dependent on them. But to call me a child and weak? I feel like that was uncalled for. Also she said my life is a mess right now and I need to get my shit together.
If you’ve been reading my blog, you will know that right now my life is the most together it’s been in over three years. I am going to school and am in a healthy relationship. Back at my old school I was dealing with my trauma’s and stuff. I was not in a good place. But I finally am. I haven’t self harmed in almost six months. I’ve basically stopped drinking aside from the occasional drink with dinner, and I am going to school. I feel like my life is pretty together at the moment.
Cody couldn’t believe that my mom didn’t pick up on my sarcastic acting last night. I basically just agreed with everything my mom said to please her and she loved it. She loved the me I was faking. She said, “Where did this Anna go? I’m glad she is back.” That implies that I used to be a kiss ass. Which I wasn’t. I am raging pissed because now my mom and dad are going to be infuriated if I don’t find a job or internship for the summer. Their definition of an acceptable job for me is being a waitress where I make $300-$400 a night in tips. That’s not possible for me to do.
I just hope that when I tell my mom last night was a huge lie she doesn’t freak on me. There’s just all this pressure and I feel like I’m drowning in it.