Monday night Cody and I went to his sister birthday dinner. Their mom and grandparents were there. On the way to dinner Cody and I got in a fight about his driving. Then at dinner Cody was still angry and when he passed my phone to me his sister had texted me. She said something that shocked me and I couldn’t believe she said that so I laughed. Cody thought I was laughing at him, and he knocked my phone out of my hand. Everyone at the table was shocked.
I was not happy about Cody’s temper. Yesterday when I got back from the city we went to our favorite bar and we talked about his temper and why he lost it. I had to play therapist because if I asked him why he got mad he would shrug. I had to ask questions that made him think deeper than the superficial level. I am not trying to say Cody cannot get to a deeper level of realization, I’m just saying he needs a push to get there.
I also had my police and abnormal psych exams yesterday. When I told my dad that I had to guess on five questions my dad said, “Why didn’t you know the answers? You need to study harder.” I studied a lot. Cody did end up helping me monday night with studying which I appreciated, because in my last post I was writing about how he didn’t help me.
Then yesterday I told Cody that Serena wanted to hang out with me soon. I said possibly it would be friday. I’ve let him have two guys nights where I stay in and do my own thing while he enjoys his friends. I got annoyed and upset when he said he would go out with his friends that night then too. I got annoyed because I already have issues with guys nights, because of past experiences, and it took a lot for me to give him two guys nights within a short time period. I told him I just don’t want to be anxious while I’m out with Serena, which he understood. But before he got to the understanding point, he called me controlling and said he didn’t have any freedom. That comment has stuck with me, and I feel like shit.
I know I should trust him, but there are times where my mind is very irrational and I worry. I worry about him either drinking too much or cheating (which I know he wouldn’t do). But I just… bleh. That comment really hurt me. So from now on I am going to do my best to just not worry about that. I am going to let him go out with his friends for guys night whenever. Even if I’m not totally okay with it I want to be able to let him go out. I don’t want to come off as controlling. Cody did apologize for saying that and said he didn’t mean it, but I feel like he secretly did mean it.