Yesterday Cody shocked me. We had sex and I had came and then he was okay stopping. He was exhausted but he didn’t mind not coming, and if you’ve read my posts you will know my history with guys has been the opposite. It’s always the guy coming and me being unsatisfied.
We then had a family friend dinner that night. He was finally meeting our family friends after like nine months. I was so excited. Cody was nervous. It honestly went really well. The one thing that really got me angry though was that my mom didn’t make me anything for dinner. If our family friends didn’t make a caesar salad I wouldn’t have eaten last night. My mom, as always, didn’t really make carbs. It just reminded me of all the dinners before that we’ve had with them, and my sister and I would get upset because mom wouldn’t make food for me, and I would always end up cooking for myself either right before we all sat down for dinner or when they were all eating.
After dinner we played Celebrity. It’s a really fun game that we’ve been playing since we were kids with them. We each write down 5 celebrity names and have to end up guessing them with the hints we give. Cody got to play last night. I totally dominated, as always. But I guess I was a little too aggressive and competitive. So I felt bad about it. Even the family friends said I should calm down. Cody also said I was too intense.
*Trigger Warning to those with eating disorders for the paragraph below*
The reason I got so annoyed during the game was because he wrote down Scarlett Johansson, which is the one actress I’ve had issues with. I have had multiple people tell me I look like her, which is a huge compliment, but I also feel insecure with that. I feel like she is a movie star, model, who is drop dead gorgeous, and here I am a normal girl. When Cody went out to stop n shop after dinner I ended up looking up pictures of her to torture myself and compare myself. I then looked up her measurements because I wanted to torture myself further, but it completely backfired. I have the same measurements as her pretty much. Same height, she weighs more than me, but we have the same bust and hop ratio and our waist ratio is off by one. One friend told me that the ideal women’s measurements were 36-24-36 (Bust, Waist, Hip ratio). I am 36-26-36. I am two inches off from that. Scarlett is 36-25-36. So this actress I’ve been comparing myself to, for years, I have found out we have almost the same measurements. I felt pretty stupid when I found that out, but at the same time a bit relieved. I guess I really do have an almost ideal hourglass figure, which to my anorexic mind, makes me feel better. Cody came home and found me with a ruler and string. I explained to him and he felt bad but at the same time was glad it backfired. He hates when I torture myself with comparing myself to other women.
Then this morning I woke up to find a bouquet of flowers with an easter basket on our table. I knew Cody was getting something for me last night. It was sweet to wake up to that. We went out to brunch and that was nice. One of the family friends commented on a photo I posted and said, “Don’t know if you deserve it after last night :P” as a joke but then Cody said, “Yeah you don’t deserve it.” Probably as a joke, but I still feel really bad. I know it’s stupid, but now I really feel like I don’t deserve the roses (which I’ve told Cody I love as a random surprise) and the easter basket…
Hope everyone is having a great Easter Sunday though! 🙂