Roller Coaster Central

(First off I am posting from my phone because there is no internet at the new apartment, so I can’t really put gifs in. Sorry!)

Moving in together…it’s been…strange. Not that Cody and I are not used to living together, but … fucking christ. I feel like I’m married to him, and not in the good way. You know, the whole stereotypical marriage where the couple never has time for one another, or is too tired to do anything with the other, or schedules are conflicting, or friends are taking priority, or no to little sex. You know that stuff. Ironically cody joked that we wouldn’t ever be the stereotypical married couple. The thing is we aren’t married and right now it’s as if we’ve been married and somehow we have all the problems or issues of the stereotypical marriage. I don’t know what to do. And shouldn’t one remember stuff that their partner says or is important to them? I remember so many things Cody tells me. He can never remember anything I tell him. I feel like I’m not important. I feel forgotten…because I am! Is this how it’s supposed to be? Is this what relationships come to after a while? I feel like that happens when we stop trying. But I am trying. It’s true when they say it takes two. Fuck.

I need advice. I feel so lost right now. Again, this is all new to me. I don’t know where to go and Cody lets me lead all the time! I am always the assertive one, or the one making decisions, or the one who is on top of our “real world” responsibilities. Example: Cody has forgotten consistently to pay my dad back for his half of the security deposit. I reminded Cody today. Also Cody LARPed last weekend as most of you might have read, and this weekend he also had the chance to go LARPing but didn’t because he knew my finals were coming up. His friend just invited him and me to a party this weekend on saturday. She lives like a fucking hour away. If she lived 5 minutes down the road I wouldn’t think it would get in the way. Plus I have an eye doctors appointment on saturday so I already have an hour or so wasted on that and not studying or writing my paper. Cody asked me if we could go. I said “I have finals.” He said “I forgot.”

I hate that I feel not important to him anymore. It’s only recently happened too! I don’t know what the hell happened or what I might have done. I mean, Cody has always been forgetful…and I’ve tried not to take it to heart that everything he forgets is about my life or what I wanted to do or had plans to do…but I don’t know anymore. Maybe he really only thinks about his interests or plans or wants. I don’t know, I’m just frustrated. I know he thinks about me (sometimes) but I don’t know. I’m sure if I had a LARPing weekend I was planning or a car rally I was going to he would never forget.

How did life sneak up on me so quick? Cody and I have our own place. We have no time for each other. He hangs with his friends and I’m hanging with mine. I babysit, he does parkour. He LARPS I stay home and do nothing or homework. Too tired to have sex, cuddle, or watch TV together. No time to talk. I hope this “situation” doesn’t last too much longer.  I just don’t know how to get us “back on track” so to speak.

Feeling forgotten, lost and clueless…

XOXO Anna

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