Round and Round…Boys I Need Your Help!

tumblr_nh8857vkqM1twyshko1_500

I feel like I keep going in circles. One second Cody and I are great, we talked, things seem like it’s going to improve and get better, then a couple days go by and we are back to where we started.

tumblr_nfls5hvImp1sej382o1_500

I just want to know how to really be able to create positive change in our relationship. That talk we had about all the potential problems, or actual problems in the relationship…well it was okay, I guess. I felt bad because I was the one naming things that were wrong, i.e. forgetfulness, or asking him to talk to me with expressing feelings, or just wanting some quality time or even sex. I asked him what I needed to improve on, besides me losing my temper and yelling sometimes, because that is something I need to work on. Cody said nothing. That is complete bullshit, right? I am not that perfect. No one is that perfect.

tumblr_nvr8ad79bO1tq4njio1_500

Also Cody never likes any of my posts on Facebook, and I’ve mentioned to him a lot that it makes me feel like he doesn’t care about my posts. He is always liking all of his friends posts. I bet that if I didn’t even post on Facebook, there would be no connection between us except for the “in relationship with” status. I asked him the other day why he didn’t like the post about the ring on Facebook and he said he didn’t know. I asked again today when he was on Facebook but didn’t like anything on my page and then he went on my page and liked everything on my page. How meaningless was that. I am sure he didn’t read any of the articles. I guess I just wanted him to care, but maybe I was asking for too much. Maybe the solution is to stop posting about us… maybe just post things about me and my life. Not our life. Then I can’t get offended when he doesn’t like anything of mine, because it’s just my stuff, not stuff about us. I know a stupid petty thing to most people, but to me it means something, but I will just have to let that one go for the good of our relationship.

Screen Shot 2016-05-23 at 12.46.59 PM

This is our conversation from maybe 10 minutes ago. I said, “K” to something he said. He knows when I say “K” I’m not happy. I told him that I was like this way before the conversation we were currently having, I was feeling this way when we talked earlier. He said, “Ok”… this is why I feel like I’m going in circles. He didn’t care. Look at that response. I told him that when we have conversations where feelings are involved (which Cody knows that I am not happy) that we both express our feelings and not give one word answers. *sigh* Again, behaviors not changing.

tumblr_n7ij9u8PCm1sddet9o1_500

Boys… I need your input here. Maybe I am being a stupid girl and not understanding how “guys are.” Cody and I recently talked about what I’ve mentioned above and even the fact that Cody just doesn’t open up to me much. Cody didn’t realize there was a problem in the relationship because he feels so close to me, which I said was because I am open with him. “I know you so well,” Cody said after guessing something I was thinking, and I replied, “Yeah you do, if only I knew you like that.” That is when it hit him that he wasn’t open much with me. I also talked to him about thought processes. I am a very introspective person. I think about why I think,do, feel things. If I feel angry at Cody I think about why and what caused it. If I feel stressed, I think about why. Cody’s normal response to any question that is not on a superficial level is “I don’t know.” My question to you guys out there is are boys not introspective? Do they just do things, say things, think things, without actually thinking about the why? Do they don’t realize why they feel a certain way? Do they not know why they would say something, or act a certain way? Or is it that boys don’t want to dig that deep in fear of finding out why? And I am not by any means saying all guys are the same, I just am wondering if the majority of guys are like this. So I would love any feedback I can get.

tumblr_ngmpegAOOX1tq4njio1_500

I want to be very patient and very understanding with Cody and not blow up at him or say anything mean. I want to express to him in a way that maybe sinks in how much of a problem these things are without hurting him or making him feel offended. I’ve tried talking to him about some of these things multiple times with some change, little change, or no change depending on what it is. Am I just not being an effective communicator? Feeling at a loss as to how to move forward… guess it’s time to start searching psychology articles…again. I just want to feel loved again, you know? I logically know Cody loves me, I see it in some of the things he does, like being late for work to make sure I’m okay. Then there are things I’ve mentioned and it’s as if I’ve been ignored because nothing changes. Is there something I’m missing? I thought I was being direct, which guys like. Well…I’m going to get back to my final paper and studying…which means getting out the alcohol. Thanks for reading my frustrations.

XOXO Anna

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Round and Round…Boys I Need Your Help!

  1. Whew…..I guess I need to weigh in. 😦
    Yes. We have no idea. We don’t know what we feel or why we feel it. And if there are any addiction issues (pick a substance or action) that only worsens it.
    Part of this is the nature of males. There’s a funny (?) book “Men are waffles, Women are spaghetti” It’s a good image of our thought process. Men are all compartmentalized. Nothing overlaps. Think about pouring syrup into each square of a waffle. For women, everything is connected, like a plate of spaghetti (or the Gordian Knot from mythology).
    Self examination is tough. I suspect you do it because of program and therapy. Ed drove you to therapy, recovery, and in that to examining yourself. Cody hasn’t had that. And to be honest (because I was like this with my last girlfriend) sometimes the feeling of love is so strong that you don’t see any of the issues and problems.

    I’ve got no good ideas on how to help though. Hell, I’m still learning this. Just keep lines of communications open. Help him with identifying what you need (we have bad memories for interpersonal stuff…not at all like our memory for sports stats or game rules 😉 and ask him specific questions (do you feel angry about X, sad, happy, frightened, etc)

    I don’t know…..yeah, it’ll be hard work . Just keep working on yourself. Go to Al Anon or S Anon or something similar. He might find Al Anon useful as well (I’ve got no idea his background, but the idea of talking with others might help).
    Good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the comment. Just having some one respond and actually say more than a couple words helps. I know men are compartmentalized. I’ve always been one to exam myself and reflect but yes my issues made me even more aware. I am doing my best to stay positive, nice, understanding and patient… But my instinct is to withdraw and shut him out to protect myself… And it’s been a real challenge not to fall into that behavior. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s