Lies, Truth, Addiction, and a Plan

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My last post revealed one of Cody’s lies… Well yesterday afternoon/evening I went through all of the search history since our relationship began…. Cody lied to me this whole time. I really don’t want to get into how many times he went to porn and stuff but when we first met, there was nothing really, and then a moderate amount in october, a lot in november and december. January was when I caught the suicide girls on his history and that’s when we had that break down. That’s when he promised he wouldn’t do it anymore…but he did… only a couple times, much less. April 18th I showed him that article, and that really changed a lot, and he had the half misstep that I mentioned in my post from yesterday.

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It’s the lies that hurt the most. We both broke down yesterday. I mean a full on mental break down, Cody even had to be in the bathroom because he thought he was going to puke. But everything is out in the open, no more secrets.

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Cody and I worked out a plan on how to handle this. No I am not leaving him, but that doesn’t mean if he doesn’t get his act together that I will stay. I’ve let him know what I am willing to deal with and what are official deal breakers with his addiction. He took a sick day at work. I already took monday off and was exhausted today, and had Cody come with me to babysit so he could drive because I was too tired and didn’t want to drive if I wasn’t at my best with a kid in the car. The mom wasn’t happy and now I don’t know if I have that job anymore…

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Things are very stressful right now, but Cody and I are trying to stay strong, and he is getting help and starting recovery. One thing that made me see that he is ready is that when I showed him today a picture of a specific girl he looked up months and months ago, he told me later when we were discussing aspects of addiction, that seeing the picture triggered him. Also, with my anorexia I refer to it as Ed, a separate person from me. With Cody’s addiction we call him Dick. So Cody said that Dick was telling him that he should look at the girl and watch video’s but Cody fought off the thought. But the thing that matters is that Cody told me about it the second he realized he had that thought. He was honest for the first time and that gives me hope.

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Anyways…praying that I don’t lose my job and that Cody stays honest and that things work out…

XOXO Anna

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5 thoughts on “Lies, Truth, Addiction, and a Plan

  1. You know this is going to be a difficult path. Too much is too available in too many forums to make this easy. But if you both work on this, it can be done. Al Anon might still be good for you because they deal with impacts on the non-drinker of having an alcoholic in your life. While the issues you two face is porn, the relation of porn to Cody and porn to you is the same as the relationship of alcohol to an alcoholic. so it might help you. And it might help him if he has struggled with Ed’s impact on you. You wouldn’t need to go in together; in fact, I’d suggest different meetings. But it might give each of you insights.

    And….you might want to name it Richard rather than Dick 😉 Renaming is good but…dick is a body part and he (and you) need to realize the addiction isn’t a body part, it’s the whole mind and body. Just a thought

    I’ve been praying for you two 🙂 Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Cody’s Recovery…Day 6 | Undiscovered and Exposed

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