Yesterday Cody was great when I picked up India to hangout last night. He was going to watch Scrubs, and when I came back with my sister, he was reading his book. I was impressed and he said something that he wasn’t sure if I would be okay with on the screen came up so he stopped the show and turned it off and told me about it. He then allowed me to watch the scene, and I was happy he stopped it out of respect for the boundaries I set and I was so proud of him! I mean I was proud, like I couldn’t believe he actually did that. I wasn’t sure if he was capable of doing it, honestly. The fact that he did that blew me away. It gave me a small piece of trust and faith back.
This morning I sleep in for the first time! Mainly because I was so exhausted and I figured I would try to sleep in because this time because there would be less chance of anxiety and panic attacks. I slept right through Cody showering (which used to be when he would do porn behind my back) and I was so proud of myself for actually sleeping in for the first time since I’ve found out.
This morning I choose to continue to sleep in when Cody leaves for work, and I remind him about the drill, text me when he gets to work, history, ask, the whole bang, and he says he knows and kissed me goodbye with an “I love you.” I wake up an hour later from an obnoxious noise outside and a terrible nightmare of Cody and I breaking up because he confessed to me that he loves his best girl friend and has been in love with her forever. Terrible dream! I thought, what better way to reassure myself that to see if Cody texted me that he got to work and the history.
Checked the phone and there was nothing. I was pissed. I called him and I asked him and I got the same answers of him being forgetful. I told him just because I slept in does not mean he can stop doing the agreement. He said he knew that. He sends me the history later after a lot of talking and hanging up and talking again, and I see he looked up something that was not under the agreements, and if not under that, he is supposed to ask. Well, yet again, not asking me…
I text his friend Cap because at this point I am exhausted. Cap said his answer to Cody’s “forgetfulness” was sticky notes. I even suggested that to Cody! I told him if he was sick of me getting upset he could have thought of ways to fix the issue, but Cody didn’t put any thought into how to fix his forgetfulness, I think he thinks it’s a fine excuse and nothing needs to be done about it. Cap and I continued talking, and Cap really wants to talk to Cody because he says he has no idea what’s going on with Cody.
I told Cap what happened, and that I didn’t think Cody took the sticky note idea seriously. Cap said, “Damn…I thought sticky notes was the best idea in the world, honestly I feel bad because I’m vouching for Cody, and he’s letting me down too. I’m sorry you keep getting let down chance after chance.” I reply to Cap and we keep talking, and Cap really just wonders whats going on with Cody, and eventually asks me, “Do you think he lacks remorse?” I explained I’d been with sociopathic people in the past and Cody doesn’t have the characteristics of a sociopath, but god damn if Cody were one I wouldn’t survive it. Cap just told me to hang in there and he would talk to Cody on Tuesday.
Praying things turn around!