Cody and I were sitting down and talking about relationships these days. Given that we have had our struggles, ups and downs, and gotten through some really tough times, we noticed that most people around us don’t stay together. While we have been working on our relationship, most of our friends have gone through two relationships since we’ve been together. We’ve noticed the miscommunication, the cheating, the emotional disconnection when our friends talk with us about relationships and the breakups.
Today’s “Hook up Culture” has, in my opinion, made commitment seem like the “uncool” thing to do. It’s not cool to show you care anymore it seems. That saddens me to see most people around me being so nonchalant about relationships and commitment. Now, I understand most people that are young want to explore, have fun, enjoy the now. At some point, however, people can realize that they focused too much on the now, and not enough about the future -their wants, needs, and goals. I know people who are 30 and they are thinking, “where did my life go?” The common theme among them was how they didn’t fully grow up, and enjoyed life not thinking about the responsibilities, and the things they really desired- they numbed out their emotions. They wanted so much to enjoy life, that they ended up missing out on things they wanted. They focused on the partying, and sex, and social scenes, and now at 30 are thinking about relationships and marriage and kids, thinking that they are not where they wanted to be at at that age.
Personally, I have found that being in a relationship has been a very enriching experience, both for personal growth and for learning. I have learned a lot about myself that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been in a serious committed relationship. I also learned a lot about communication, compromise, and caring.
I can look back at my days at SCAD, and I think to myself, “how could I have let myself think it’s cool not to care?” Back at college, most guys didn’t see a girl as more than a couple months of companionship and sex. I honestly hated that environment, given that I want someone who wants commitment. I do know that these days, women are more financially stable and much more independent than they were many years ago, and so marriage isn’t as important a factor. Back in the day, marriage was for financial stability, and now a days women are financially stable without a man. Marriage is now more for emotional happiness and romance than for money.
I have written about marriage before, and of course, with time my opinion has shifted. Today, I want marriage. Not as in I want to be married today, but I know that I would like to be married one day. Marriage, to me, is the sign of ultimate commitment to the person you love. I am not sure if that is “naive” but that is how I view it. Marriage is a responsibility. That is not something to take lightly. Cody and I have talked about marriage many many times through out our relationship. We’ve talked about our goals, our needs and wants, and our views. We’ve talked about children, and yes, I do want children one day, and we’ve talked about careers and over all goals of living in the future. I also am glad that we’ve been living together for year and a half. I personally feel that you don’t know someone until you’ve lived with them. I know that if I had never lived with Cody and we got married and suddenly lived together, that would be a strange and difficult adjustment. Living together before making the commitment to marry, to me, shows me how the person lives -their habits, needs, financial spending- which is important for marriage. Without all that knowledge, a marriage can be quite the gamble. But that’s just my experience and opinion.
What are your opinions and views on relationships in today’s society and marriage and divorce?