It’s Been 2 Years…

tumblr_n7mcohFRGk1tryedao1_500

Yesterday marks two years since Owen raped me. I didn’t blog yesterday because I ended up being busy. In fact, I forgot about the rape because Cody and I were doing so well. Cody gave me the perfect night last night and didn’t even realize it was the anniversary of one of my rapes.

It’s honestly crazy to think two years have passed since I went to SCAD. Time seems to have flown by. I definitely believe everything happens for a reason. I know that if Owen hadn’t have raped me, I wouldn’t have left Savannah and moved back home, and then I’d never have met Cody.

Having gone through a sexual assault and two rapes in the course of three years completely changed the way I viewed myself. The aftermath of those trauma’s was me thinking I was trash, worthless, an object, and unlovable.

tumblr_n3lotad26q1smcbm7o1_250

Though Cody had his own issues he brought into our relationship, Cody has given me the gift of knowing I am lovable. The guys I dated bailed on me with time due to the PTSD I had. Cody never even thought to leave when I had flashbacks. He held me and reminded me where I was. I never thought I would have come to the day where I forgot I was raped. In the past  each anniversary had so much hold over me.

I have grown so much over the past couple years, and I am so proud of myself for doing all the hard work of recovery. I do still on rare occasions have flashbacks, or relive feelings from the trauma’s, but they don’t disable me the way they used to. I used to feel handicapped every day. I feel much more free and confident these days. I know that I am worth more than sex, I am a human being that deserves respect. It took a while to get here, but I am glad I’ve gotten here.

XOXO Anna

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “It’s Been 2 Years…

  1. Congrats on getting this far in your recovery. I’ve been sexually assaulted as well and had a couple guys attempt to rape me… but what I struggled with for years was a slightly different issue. To do with an aggressive make friend… I never got diagnosed with PTSD but I had a good friend point out that it appeared I had it years after. If that’s so it’s the main thing I can relate to for you… and it has been 9 years this April. I used to think about it obsessively and get depressed around the anniversary time frame, I used to have vivid nightmares about him… but as the years have worn on the effects have become less. I’ve side stepped depression the past few years, and I think about it less and less. He still scares me and always will – the memories won’t ever completely fade away I’m afraid- but now I go with more and more time in between without him on my mind. The writing certainly helped me in this case as well. Anyway I have faith your traumas will slowly but surely fade from your daily consciousness. I can’t say you’ll forget it completely- but it definitely gets better

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s