I Let My Guard Down

I blog for my business and today I wrote a post more in the style of posts like these. I was more open, let myself be in the post more and within twenty minutes got a comment from someone who said they could relate.


I guess a lesson learned…. maybe I should let people in, let them see the flaws, the struggles, the accomplishments more. On here I share, deeply, rawly, and honestly. I don’t hold back, and some of the posts on here I could call “venting.” Yet people have liked the posts on here, I gain followers with each post I publish and get comments.

I should have learned from this blog that the person I am is “likable”… and people enjoy hearing the truth. The honesty, the ups, and downs of life, in such a filtered and edited world sharing “perfection.” Who knew the raw/real me was… good enough.


No-Show Client…Over a Printer…

I am currently working with a couple, and the male didn’t show up for session (which was going to be addressing porn in relationships) because he had a fit over the printer two minutes before session.


I honestly was shocked. His homework indicated he felt that this session was going to be easy. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But he felt pretty confident about it. In my opinion, with the details revealed from the female partner, it seemed like a temper tantrum to get out of the session once he realized some of her feelings on the topic.

Our next session will be sometime next week, and I am honestly doing my best to try to figure out how to be gracious about this. Because next session we are going to be talking about the same topic, so unless he plans to not show up for every session, this topic will get addressed.


Men… just realize not all women want porn in their relationship. Some are okay with it, but when your woman is not, feels like it’s cheating, or hell porn is linked to past abuse, just be gracious about it and realize you have THE woman you want right in front of you. Be respectful and realize what you have. If she isn’t enough, definitely don’t lead her on to think she is the one and you have a perfect future ahead. It’s cruel.

Relationships take compromise and mutual sacrifice at times. And truly, is not using porn really a sacrifice? Because honestly, I don’t know about you guys, but I would much rather have sex than watch it.


Life is a Balancing Act

Between being a wife, a mom, a student, a relationship coach, and a victim advocacy intern, life is a bit crazy right now.


When I am home, I am with Baby A or working, and if I am not home, I am at school or my internship learning and working. I also, with my relationship coaching, have to run the blog side, which entails of accepting and reading guest posts, making sure my regular contributors are meeting deadlines, making sure the content calendar is solid. I feel like I don’t get a moments rest most days. Oh, and don’t forget reformer pilates and couples therapy somewhere in all there!


Last night was different, Cody and I were able to have an amazing date night at home. My mom got him a wok and a cookbook for Asian foods since that’s our favorite. He ended up making an amazing meal and we watched “Life As We Know It.” The funny thing is, we watched that movie when we were first dating and I was thinking I am not having kids, and Cody figured kids were far off in the future. Little did we know that Baby A would be arriving only two years later! But we loved the movie, even more, this time around. We appreciated those new parenting moments and laughed at how accurate some of those scenes were.


Given that I’ve realized how busy we are, I decided to make my coaching hours between two days instead of three, that way we have one weekend day to ourselves. Cody, once school starts wants to work Saturdays from 5am-1pm. Which means I coach on Saturdays from 2:30pm to 8:00pm if I am 100% booked that day. I love the scene with Holly and Messer and the scheduling board because honestly, with how busy we are, I can’t keep track of Cody’s schedule as well. I used to be able to know both our schedules, but with a kid, it’s been more challenging to remember.


My goal, though, is to make sure Cody and I get “us” time every week. Last nights date was amazing and honestly, with the holidays and finals, we were just running around constantly. It was so nice to just sit down with him and relax. Plus…the amazing sex afterward didn’t hurt as well! Seriously, making sure your sex life is stable while having a baby is a HUGE challenge. It takes planning. Yes, planning. Cody fought that concept for so long, but because we did cave to it, it’s been so helpful for us to stay connected.

What are some ways you make sure to make “you” or “couple” time when your life is busy?


Christmas with a Baby is… Challenging

Cody and I love Baby A but we definitely struggled this year with getting around to all the family. Christmas Eve, we left Baby A home because he is teething with back molars coming in.

Christmas day we all opened presents as quickly as possible for Baby A’s sake. Cody totally outdid me for Christmas! He got me a cappuccino/latte Keurig machine! I was totally shocked. He also got me a typewriter, and a huge whiteboard with a section for a yearly calendar, goals, priorities, notes, etc to help me with my business. I got Cody tons of car tools and stuff which he loved! We got Baby A some really fun developmental toys.


We later went to one of his aunt’s house with Baby A but once everyone was arriving it was too loud, so Cody took Baby A home and my parents watched him and Cody came back. It was a great evening with family.


Today I will help my mom with making a post-Christmas dinner, and then have a weekly business meeting with my mastermind where we push each other to meet our goals and keep one another accountable.


I have a couple beta testing my relationship coaching program and they have their first session on Friday! That means making sure someone is home to watch Baby A. I am so excited to work with them because their issues are exactly what my program tackles – communication, trust/fears, and sex. I also have my singles client on Friday and it’s his last session before graduating! He went from coming into the program dead set on winning his ex-wife back to coming to the realization that he doesn’t actually want her romantically anymore and is focusing on rebuilding his life. I am so proud of him and the work he has done. I absolutely love seeing the transformation of my clients and knowing my programs work.


To me, part of my Christmas was knowing that my clients are in a better place, accomplishing their romantic and personal goals. I really look forward to working with the other couples that are interested, but wanted to wait until the holidays were over. I am so excited for 2019! So many plans and goals.

I hope you all had an amazing holiday season and I hope you all have an amazing 2019!


This Time Of Year

I know I went MIA for a while. I’ve mentioned I needed time to process Cody’s addiction and heal. Well, one of the DDays (Discovery days) was Christmas Eve… which is tomorrow. This time of year can be sad because of the discovery, but we have really fun plans tomorrow and I hope it takes away from the old painful memory.


Cody has been 2.5 years PMO free and that is huge. I am so proud of him. He is currently going through the Intimacy Anorexia program and I’ll be doing Married and Alone when the books arrive and I can say that these books are really helpful. We have been feeling closer than ever (with the normal ups and downs). It’s nice to feel so connected to Cody before Christmas.


I am a bit anxious because my throat is sore and I really don’t want to be sick for Christmas Eve or Christmas because we will be going ALL over. All the Christmas presents are wrapped. Cody and I spent last night wrapping them. In 3.5 years, I have been the one to dominate during any gift giving holiday. I’ve always outdone Cody. This year though, Cody kicked my ass. I’ve gotten him some amazing things (5 in total). The reason I only got him 5 things was that as a BMW technician his tools and parts are expensive and so I could only afford so much, but I know that he really will enjoy the tools I got him. Cody got me a lot though… like eleven gifts and he couldn’t stop being so giddy because he found some amazing last minute Christmas gifts yesterday.

I am in awe of the effort and dedication he put in this year. Usually, he half-asses it, but this year, I think partly due to the IA book and us healing more, he actually went all out. And no matter what he got me, I am just so happy that we’ve been connecting and healing lately so we could be emotionally close over the holidays.


Since I found out about Cody’s addiction, each year I’ve literally asked for one thing: Cody. I just wanted Cody back. Not the mean, gaslighting addict, but the sweet loving man I fell in love with. And this year (fingers crossed), I feel like I have the Cody I fell in love with back. I know that sounds cheesy, but I’ve seen the sweet man I fell in love with so much more since we started the IA books. I feel like we are going to have a really awesome Christmas this year.

I hope you all are having an amazing holiday season!


The Business Owns You

I have weekly business mastermind calls. We were originally a group of four, but one stopped coming to the meetings. We talked tonight because she suddenly reappeared and is interested. We were talking about priorities and commitment. My dad once told me that when you make a business it owns you.


It’s so true! My relationship coaching business and blog owns me. I am running the business 24/7, anything from websites updates, to consultation calls, to billing, to blog posts, to full-on coaching sessions. The other two in the mastermind also work hard on their businesses. We are all committed to helping each other grow and stay accountable and we basically took 20 or so minutes to figure out how to let this person know that if they are back they need to be committed.


I love my business, truly I do. This morning I woke up to the best thing. My google voice number for my business I linked to my phone. I woke up to see a text from someone who found my post on Nextdoor about beta testing one of my coaching programs. She was interested and we had a consultation call today. Her boyfriend didn’t know she was reaching out for help but she said she would talk to him about it tonight and get back to me. I loved that someone found my services and reached out for help. It was an amazing feeling.

It didn’t just happen, it came from hard work and dedication. I have worked since October and creating the coaching side of my business and it’s paying off. Why? Because I am committed to my business and clients. Our group set up a call for next week and we agreed we would let the other person know the time we have set and see if they are able to commit.


I have a client tomorrow evening and they are about to graduate from the program! They have come so far, I am truly impressed. Same with my other client, she also has impressed me. I never expected clients to be coming to me and reaching out. Clearly, my programs must resonate with them. I am just glad I’ve created programs that people enjoy and can really improve their life and relationship with.


Christmas, Finances, and Marriage


I don’t know about any of you, but honestly, this Christmas has pretty much hit us hard. We are going to have to recover from our spending. I know that we want to get everyone things they really love, but sometimes those things are out of our price range. I know that we still haven’t gotten my parents or his parents and siblings gifts. I hope that us bringing something like food or maybe a homemade gift will be okay because we just don’t have the money to spend.

I got Cody some stuff, we both got Baby A some stuff, Cody got me something, and yeah. The holidays are really hard, not only because of potential family stress but financially they are really hard on families with low income. Or, well, in our situation our families are financially comfortable, whereas we are financially scraping by. I guess it just sucks that there is a huge gap between where we are and where our parents are financially. It’s to be expected with this economy and having a kid so young, but it still really sucks.


I hope that our presence and maybe us bringing food or stockings will be sufficient. I’ve never been in a situation like this where our finances were so tight that it was suffocatingly tight. I am really good and smart with money and Cody … isn’t. But I think he is trying to get better with money. Money has been one of those contention points for us. I am all about Delayed Gratification and Cody is very Instant Gratification. Cody wants his coffee, now. I am fine to just use a Keurig cup and not go out to get The Best coffee. That is just one example, but we have tried to come to compromises. So far we are still trying to figure it out…


Sadly Cody doesn’t always have the best attitude about the money stuff. And I get it, it’s VERY stressful. But we are parents, which means money goes to Baby A first and foremost, and then survival needs, and anything extra we can put away into savings or something. I think Cody is finally getting on board that he will have to give up some little luxuries so we can save and get by. Plus we want to save to get our own place… that isn’t going to happen if we never put money into savings.

I am hoping after the holidays/New Year that we can actually start saving more, and we can really come up with a solid game plan about finances that makes both of us happy.

Anyone got any great financial/budgeting advice?



Soccer, in the Basement, with a Tennis Ball


So Cody had a brilliant idea of playing soccer in the basement with a tennis ball and empty diaper boxes as goals last week. Tonight we ended up playing again. Baby A absolutely loves it when we play. He gets so excited and follows whoever is running. Parenting can be really fun. Family moments like these are the best. We don’t always get time to just relax and have fun.


Mainly we are living “real life” with real-life responsibilities and such. We don’t make enough time for fun. Honestly, I hope we do this at least once a week. With how competitive Cody and I are with each other it really does make for a great night together. Cody ended up winning, which was a shock. He couldn’t aim at all, and his shots were way off base at least 70% of the time. I was on the floor dying of laughter at points. It’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that.

What are some fun things you do with your significant other?


Finals, Holidays, and Work… It Never Ends


Finals are this week. I have two classes, and one of them ended last week because we, as a class, agreed to turn in the final early. My other class, I have a presentation tomorrow. A bit nervous and hoping it goes well. Cody’s presentation for his class is tomorrow. So tonight, after couples therapy, we have work to do!


Holidays are… up and down. First, we haven’t even decorated the house for Christmas at all this year. It’s been crazy busy. Second, we are so behind on getting people gifts, and three, we don’t have much money to get people gifts…. so it’s going to be interesting this year. We got Baby A two gifts so far and that’s it. We still need to get my mom and dad gifts, his dad and siblings gifts, and each other gifts. Then we are going to Cody’s aunt’s house for Christmas eve… and that hopefully will be a fun night!


My business is going well in my opinion. I am having a lot of fun with it. My clients love my coaching programs and are seeing results. The one thing I just hate about business is the advertising and marketing. That’s my struggle. I’ve always struggled to put myself out there, so it’s been challenging to “promote” my business. I am all about honesty and I want to make sure that readers and clients can see the genuineness. I just am always working. If I am not at my internship or doing school work, I am running my business. There are so many things I’ve learned in this journey of creating a business… and one thing that I learned is I need to make some money so I can get a freelancer to do some of the work that I am not a fan of doing and not as skilled at doing.


Cody and I have been doing really well for the past month. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, you may think, “Wait, didn’t they get married over a year ago and she is saying only for the past month they’ve been good?” Yeah. Well, there have been the ups and downs, but if Cody wasn’t facing his addiction and damage, we weren’t moving forward. Cody and I have been doing the Intimacy Anorexia books. I am not an IA though closed off because Cody seemed to not care, and so we are doing them together, and I can’t even tell you how amazing we have been doing.

Cody actually talks to me, has been less angry and facing his past, and it’s been nice. I even told him it feels like we have “us” back. So, fingers crossed, we are going to keep this upward trend.

Another thing, Cody has been inspired by me creating a business that he wants to create his own business too. I want to support him in it, but also, given that I am trying to run a new business, I personally feel adding on another new business at this very moment wouldn’t be ideal. I think it’s great he wants to do it, and I want to help him, create his website for him and more, but I think we need to be more strategic about it. So I’ll be mentioning that over the holidays as we continue to talk business.

How is everyone else doing with Holidays and family this year? Hope you’re all doing well!


What is the Disconnect???


Obviously Undiscovered and Exposed has been around for a while, since 2014 actually, which to me, is crazy to think about! My other company/site has been around technically since August 2017 but I moved it to my own domain in Jan 2018.

On here I have 4x the amount of people following me, and I get more responses, likes, comments, etc. on here… so I wonder, what is the disconnect?

Am I just better at being anonymous? haha …Or, is it that because it’s anonymous I don’t hold back on here and I am less professional with my writing? Is it because it’s journal-style rather than educational? Or, is it because this entire blog here is a story, and it’s fun to follow a story and see where the story goes?

I guess I am just wondering how I can bring a little Anonymous Anna to my company… Maybe I’ll write a post from the perspective of Anonymous Anna and see how that goes.

I am not sure what to think though about that…but I’ll try it!

But I have to say, it’s nice to be back, here. I think I needed space to think, to get clarity without sharing everyone in an online blog. I definitely have clarity and a direction now. I know where I am going, my goals, and have learned so much in just one year.

I definitely want to write about what I’ve learned from being the partner of a porn addict, about porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and obviously about the first year of marriage with a kid as well. Those will be separate posts.

Anyways, I hope you all are doing well, and I appreciate the likes yesterday. I didn’t actually know if anyone would even remember this blog or me.


Been MIA… Might Be Back.


That’s Us…Now.

Hey guys, so it’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve posted. Lots has happened, changed, and progressed. I checked back in here a couple weeks ago, shocked to find that people still come to this site and are reading.

I stepped away from this for various reasons. I have a kid, Baby A. I am finishing school (only classes away from graduation!!). I have an internship. I also started a business. Plus, marriage and all the ups and downs. It’s been crazy, to be honest.

After getting married and having Baby A, I honestly… was overwhelmed. Let’s just say childbirth was extremely traumatic for me. I still can’t watch those hospital shows with women giving birth I get nauseous at the thought of ever becoming pregnant again.

I love Baby A, but it’s a challenge. Being 24 with a baby is a balancing act. Also being married to a recovering porn addict has been a challenge. I can say that Cody is 2.5 years clean today! It’s been a long and amazing journey.

If anyone is interested in knowing more, given the whole anonymity here… you can email me at anonymousannaxo@gmail.com. My business is Relationship Coaching and I have another site. I am super excited. I have some beta clients right now, and they’ve already mentioned how much they like my programs and the benefit they’ve gotten (and they’re only halfway through the program!).

I have to say that it feels strange being back here. I have come so far. I’ve read some of my old content and I am thinking, “No, that was me?!” It’s funny. I have changed so much. More stable, mature, serious. I still can be fun, but with a one-year-old, responsibilities first, am I right?

Anyways, just am back to check-in…maybe I’ll post more. Not sure. But I hope all of you guys are doing well.