Frew Girls


Today in treatment I had a pretty good day. I was invited to hang out with them later when a couple of them are going to get tattoo’s. I am pretty excited to go see that and support them. They are also having a sleepover after, which I said I couldn’t do because of family stuff tomorrow. Honestly I just am not up for sleepovers with a bunch of girls. I love them and they all rock, but I just… for me having sleepovers with girls just brings up bad memories from my days in middle school.


Today Cody was a hot topic with them which was really funny. One girl, who we’ll call Hannah, asked how the concert was and I explained it to her and she said it was sweet of him to have protected me. Some other girls asked about something that I can’t reveal on here yet, and they died a bit inside. Hannah also asked if I ever saw myself marrying Cody. I responded with what Cody has said to me before, that if in two years we’re still together and happy and stuff then yeah, I’d accept a proposal and the girls who I was talking to all just seemed floored. Hannah was so shocked at how quickly and confidently I answered, and then I began to think about it and I was shocked. I guess I just answered like that because Cody’s talked about it before and idk. Hannah was saying that if she was with a guy for five years she still wouldn’t know if she wanted to be with them. I think after five years you would get a sense of if you want to be with them or not.

But then at lunch Cody was again the topic of discussion. Other girls were asking about the concert. One girl asked how long Cody and I have been together and when I said only like two months she responded with, “I thought you guys have been together for years.” I laughed and continued talking about the concert. They also needed me to explain moshing. That was funny.


So I had a pretty good day at treatment. I am excited to join them later for the tattoo thing. If I had the money and knew exactly what I wanted, I’d get one too today…but… I wanna think about it a bit more before I do it. Plus I am sure my parents wouldn’t be too happy with it either.

Hope the day continues to go well!



Amazing Concert and Funny Parents


Yesterday after treatment Cody, me, and his friend and girlfriend all went to the city to see Rise Against. Holy hell I haven’t had so much fun since GA when I was at school. I moshed and this time I didn’t get a concussion!

Cody did a great job at keeping me safe. His friend who we will call Drake and his girlfriend who we’ll call Claire, were so much fun! I really love the both of them. Such fun and great company. At one point Cody left to get me water. Drake got lost from Claire and I and a circle pit was forming, so we got out of there before we got caught up in that. When we went back we couldn’t find Cody but found Drake. Drake couldn’t find Cody either.


We made it back to where we originally were in the pit and Claire got hit in the head. Drake took her out and I realized I was alone in the pit. It was like perfect timing because Cody appeared out of nowhere and I hugged him so hard. I told him I had been looking everywhere and couldn’t find him and that I was so glad I wasn’t alone in the pit before things got rough again.


The train ride home was very interesting. Also we have a potential bowling date next week with them, so I’m super excited! There were some real fun moments and then moments when I was royally pissed at Cody, but I couldn’t stay mad at him for long. We made up and showered and went to bed. We got breakfast this morning which was nice.


After getting breakfast with Cody I went over to my parents office. I was telling my mom all about the concert and telling her about how I hated being at the house because of the negative vibes from my sister. She interrupted me at one point and said, “I honestly was not sure what to expect when you got here. You never come to the office. I thought you were going to tell me that Cody and you wanted to get married or something.” I started laughing at that. My dad soon came in like five minutes after and he said, “Are you and Cody eloping, is that what you needed to come to work to tell us?” He was being sarcastic but it was funny since mom had just made her comment only minutes before.


I then talked to them about how we needed to do something about my sister. I also talked to them about what I could possibly do at the business eventually which they aren’t sure of yet. Also talked school stuff. Now I’m making lunch, listening to music, while my sister is fucking pissed at me in the other room.

Hopefully the rest of my day goes well…fingers crossed!


Cliche Car Hookup

So I went to the barbecue last night and Serena and I had fun. Once Cody got there we talked and then we took a walk on the beach and down the rock path that leads into the ocean. It was really cold out there but we talked and hugged to keep warm. We stayed out there for a while and eventually went back to the group. I had to drive Serena home but Cody asked if I was going to come back to hang so I said yeah.

I got back and everyone was going over to someone’s house. Cody followed me back to my house so I could drop off my car before we went to the house. When we got there we had some beers and played pool. Cody ended up kissing me on the couch at the end of the party and we kinda made out a bit.

Then we drove back to the beach and I felt like I was in a movie because it was a classic hookup in a car. I’ve never done that, and it felt so high school. We didn’t go all the way, and he respected my decision not too and he didn’t mention it again or push it. So we had fun making out, and fooling around, and cuddling and talking… We did that until 5 AM and we got to the beach at 2 AM.

I am seriously annoyed that I like him. He seems like a cool guy so far. I just hate this generation and how it all goes with romance. Like Cody and I talk, get along, and he wants me to see him at open mic night and wants me to join him on stage for an open mic night. He also wants to see the Avengers movie with me, and he told me he would buy me a ticket ($40) for a Rise Against concert in July. So is him asking to see a movie with me a date or is it just a friends thing? But he wants to hang with me, so that’s a good sign. Plus there was little sweet things through out the night like hand holding and kissing my forehead. Like I feel like if the guy wants to hit it and quit it they wouldn’t treat the girl like…nicely. But I hate that I can’t tell with guys whether its going to be a hit it and quit it or whether the guy actually will respect you and want to date you.


I guess only time will tell… But I am honestly so confused. Also I don’t know if I wanna do the whole romance thing with him just because I am nervous. I mean, I didn’t like get any flashbacks per say to Owen but Owen entered my head a couple times while we were making out or fooling around. Plus what if Cody loses all interest once he realizes that I am not going to have sex with him… I’ll be disappointed but I’ll be fine.

I hate our generation and how the romance is reversed. I wish it were like the old days where there was some courting and getting to know another person well before being so intimate.


It’s the Most Stressful Time of Year

So it’s December. Not fun.

  1. First off, December is the month where my relationship with Monster fell apart. Monster crawled into a hole and never contacted me. I had to pretend that the relationship had ended to stay sane because of how ignored I was. I was also remembering bits and pieces from the night Monster raped me and was started to admit what had happened.
  2. It’s the holidays- stressful gift shopping, family visiting, friends, etc.
  3. I just got into a relationship with Shaggy- shitty timing and that’s stressful.
  4. I, at the end of this month last year entered treatment, so reminders of that are coming up.

I however love when I hear the song “Last Christmas” because it reminds me of Ethan and his hatred of the song. I personally love that song.

Overall December brings up a lot for me. I never was the biggest fan of Christmas, I always loved Halloween the best.

Shaggy and I are… fuck if I know. It’s confusing. I talked to Dean for three hours last night about Shaggy and other things.

Dean says I am superstitious with time. It’s not that, it’s just this month has been a struggle and I couldn’t figure it out until I was reminded about how bad last December was by my mother.


So let me update you on the past couple days with Shaggy and my parents. Apparently Shaggy has been working like crazy because of the holidays, hence his radio silence. Then I get a random text saying,

Okay. I have 3 days off this week. Please come to _______. I just wanna fucking cuddle with you and watch movies, and my parents said you could stay in my sisters room or my couch haha so honestly it’s sleep with me or without me but you’re more than welcome to stay.

I got this text on the way back from the Justin Timberlake concert. I asked my parents and they no to me going to him, but yes to him coming to me. Ever since Eric my parents are crazy overprotective of me.

So I text Shaggy yesterday about if he was coming or not.

You’re totally right I do I’m sorry, I really am I haven’t been texting you or anything my phones been like dead everyday after work and I pass out. I’ve just been working overtime cause of the holidays

So that wasn’t an answer to my question. I still didn’t know whether he was coming or not to which he said,

Ahhh idk I need to check how much money I have left in the bank.

Fair enough. He got back to me saying,

Okay so i’m not sure if i’m gonna be able to make it out there cause I still need to buy Christmas presents. Gahh I’m sorry 😦

I get that. From a logical, detached perspective, I understand money being tight with christmas shopping. Emotionally however I feel like I just had whiplash. He practically begs me to see him, then when I explain how my parents are being overprotective, they invite him over, and then money… god.

It took a lot of work for me to get my parents to even say yes. Since Eric, they are so scared to let any guy in. Fair points to my parents for not letting me go to Shaggy’s who I only recently met in person. I get that, normal parenting. But then I asked if Shaggy could come here instead to which my mom freaked on me, but my dad said yes.

Of course when I brought this up to my mom yesterday when I was going to the city, she said no. So we fought about that. And while hanging with Andy I got a text from my mom saying Shaggy could in fact stay because she discussed it with my father.

So damn. Fuck the holidays.

Not to mention Shaggy was posting moments on Tinder. I mean, I did post a moment on Tinder since I was going to Justin Timberlake. But gah. Dean helped me text Shaggy about Tinder and how now that Shaggy and I are together, we should really have deleted our Tinder accounts.

Dean and I talked until 3 in the morning. I forgot to delete my tinder account last night. I woke up to having a message. I checked it, then checked Shaggy’s page which said he was active only an hour ago. I texted Dean. Dean said let it go, and delete my Tinder.

Guys mess everything up. I enjoyed being single. I didn’t have to worry about all this bullshit. Damn. So I know it’s a stupid way to deal, but I am pretending I am single until Shaggy is less stressed and we can actually Skype or get together and talk about the relationship and plans and goals. Because as I always say, “Communication is key in any relationship.”

So hopefully everything works itself out.


Justin Timberlake!

The concert was amazing! He really knows how to put on a show.

Anyways, so we went to Mohegan Sun, and I did not get mistaken as a prostitute, and my dad ended up chickening out to gambling. My mom and I had a great time at the concert. One of the last songs he played was “Sexy Back” which is one of my favorites.

Here are some photos!

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I couldn’t figure out how to put the vids from my phone on here, so I’m sorry. Hopefully the pictures aren’t too bad.

It was a really fun night, and the people who sat next to me were really nice, and asked me if I had ever seen Justin in concert before, which I hadn’t. They had seen five of his concerts throughout the years. Someone gave him a Christmas sweater during the concert. He also saw that someone was facetiming their friend, and called them out and said “Hi” to the person on the other end of the facetime session. He was really fun! He even chanted Chug to a person on the big screen in the audience, who ended up chugging their drink.

Now I have the urge to ask for all of Justin Timberlake’s CD’s for Christmas! 😛


Mistaken for a Prostitute

So my dad just came up to me and told me, “I hope you’re not going to be wearing a tight short dress.” I was not sure why he made that comment until he said, “At a casino you might be mistaken for a prostitute and the casino might want to detain me and ask questions as to why you’re there. And on top of that you’re under age.”

So my dad just told me that I would be mistaken for a prostitute at a casino if I dressed nicely. Strangest conversation I’ve ever had with him. What has my life come to?


Concert with the Rents

So I am going to see Justin Timberlake tonight with my mom, while my dad goes to the Casino and gambles. I just woke up, and have four hours to get ready before we leave. The drive is an hour and a half, and being in the car with my parents for that long is going to be painful. There’s a high chance that fighting will ensue before we get to the concert, which I really don’t want.

I really do enjoy Justin Timberlake’s music, and it was very sweet of my mom to get us tickets, so I hope this evening will go well.