Date Night!


Last night was awesome at the theatre! They had reclining leather chairs, and they were in sets of two’s so when both chairs were reclined it was really easy to cuddle. Dinner before wasn’t that good though. I am not a fan of buffalo wild wings, but Cody loves it. Also there were some triggers on the way there, so I was definitely off until we got to the theatre. But let me tell you, watching a movie like that was amazing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to a normal theatre again and enjoy it as much.


School starts next week and I am extremely excited! I can’t wait to see what my police class is like. I started reading the textbook too because I’m just that much of a nerd. I am just so ready to get back into school.


Big Date and Cody’s Surprise

This past weekend Cody and I had our fancy date at the restaurant his mom works at. I swear it was an amazing night. I wore this beautiful new dress I got while I was out of the country. Cody got all dressed up too. We took my moms Range Rover out, and Cody drove. At the restaurant we sat outside overlooking the street. The lighting, the mood, it was all perfect.

It was like being in a fairy tale. No lie. I honestly felt like a princess.


Then on Sunday we go out to brunch, we are taking my mom’s Range Rover again. I’m driving this time. We get in the car after brunch and I turn on my camera because I know my phone is going to give away the location. Cody’s face when he heard the casino’s name was great. Of course taking Cody to a casino wasn’t the whole surprise, but he seemed pretty happy when he figured out the casino.


When we got there I filmed again. Cody snapped at me for filming, and I felt bad, but I held my ground and told him he would have to put up with it. Like seriously, he better not be snapping at me in the future like that, it kinda hurt my feelings. But anyways, the anticipation is building as we are walking through the hotel lobby, and we are outside the hotel waiting for a car. I give him the folded paper I had with the information of what we were doing.


He was like a little kid on Christmas! He could not believe that I got him 7 laps in a Ferrari 458 Italia (one of his dream cars). It was an early Christmas present. It was so much fun! I filmed again. He told me to stop filming him like 5 times through out that day. But it was amazing to see him so happy and full of life. He really needed it after having such a lousy week at work.


Then my mom told me that there was a position open at her company, and Cody has an interview on thursday. I hope he gets the job because it’s better hours, better pay, and another perk to this would be that because Cody is over all the time, as in it’s kinda like he lives here, my parents said if he gets the job at their company, that they would look for an apartment for Cody and I. My mom and I talked this morning and she was like, “You’re 21, and you need your own place. Also Skyler has been living with her boyfriend since she was 19. So you deserve your own place.” Skyler is a frenemy that…well that’s a long long long story that maybe I’ll tell one day.


But if Cody gets his job, if I get a job, then my mom said that if we found a place to move into beginning in October we could do it. I told Cody about the job and the apartment thing. When I got out of the shower last night Cody told me he had been looking at apartments. I honestly had no idea he… I don’t know. I honestly was floored when my mom said that she would find Cody and I an apartment if he started working for my parents. I was still processing. Cody seemed to be totally game for it and started actually looking. I am not going to lie, I wasn’t sure whether to mention to Cody that my parents said that because I like letting the guy take lead in the relationship, as in taking the next step and all. So me, saying that my parents were willing to find us a place was really scary and big for me. I wasn’t sure what he would think of the idea. I’m glad he was excited though. That’s always a good response. I do hope he gets the job, not because we will get to move out together, but because it’s better pay and better hours and Cody deserves it.


Fancy Date and Breakfast Together


Last night Cody and I went out on a date. He wanted us to dress up so we did and we went to dinner. After that we headed back to my house and played ping pong platted some music, and made out and watched Transformers. Then this morning I had therapy and Cody slept in. When I got back he wanted to make me french toast since I love it. We went out to the grocery and got the ingredients and then he made us some. It was really good! We had such a fun day together with just eating and talking and relaxing. He is off playing D&D and I have to pick my sister up from the dentist, that is, if she lets me know to pick her up.

She is still royally pissed at me. Mom says we will have another family talk about Cody coming over and stuff. My parents are stressed because they have a show next week and will be gone. They don’t want to leave me and my sister home alone together if we aren’t even speaking.

Cody and I are hopefully going to go see Jurassic World tonight and hopefully my family gets to talk this evening and we work things out. I hate conflicts and I hate that every member of my family has a problem with me…


First Date and Treatment

Though Cody and I couldn’t go to a movie we still hung out. We originally met up at a bar because he wanted a couple drinks after work and then we went to the coffee shop and got coffee. I didn’t have anything even though Cody was telling me he would get me anything. We talked more about my eating disorder and it’s really sweet of him to want to help me but I told him it’s not his job. He still responded with he felt bad and wanted to do whatever he could. I’ve learned a lot through having an eating disorder while seeing someone.


Back when I first realized I had anorexia Ethan wanted to help me with my disorder. He said the one thing that would make him happy was either helping me or curing me of my disorder. It wasn’t until later that I realized how unhealthy that was. His happiness relying upon how well or sick I was.

I appreciate that Cody says he wants to help, and he even said that he knows nothing about psychology or anything which makes him feel like he doesn’t know at all how to help. I thanked him and tried to make it clear that my anorexia was my issue to resolve. I did try to explain the disorder a bit more, like that sometimes I’ll look in a mirror and I won’t see what everyone else see’s, or that I hate shopping because my weight will change on whether I am eating or not.


Cody then said we had time to go bowling instead of a movie that way we would still have our first date. I totally jumped at that idea. Bowling was so much fun. The first game I totally kicked his ass! I’m quite competitive and I got a score of 94 and he got a score of 33. Then the second game he kinda kicked my ass, I got a score of 66 and he got a score of 93. And while we played he kissed me! In public! It was such a high. Then he had to go to his work meeting and he asked to hang out after his meeting. I just told him I couldn’t be out too late.

So I got home and had my mom make me dinner. I also sat down with my parents and said I needed to go back to Renfrew. They said okay, obviously. After I ate dinner which took like an hour to eat, Cody got out of work and came over to watch Dexter.


We also made out while watching it which was nice. I was so tired. Like, you know when you’re so tired you feel like your drunk or wasted? I was that tired. We went up to my room and we made out and part of me wanted him to stay over but part of me knew better. Cody said he shouldn’t stay you know didn’t want it to be too much. I agreed though. That also scared me, that I wanted him to stay. I mean, yeah I was having a rough day with Owen thoughts and really wanted comfort but the fact that I wanted comfort from someone else scared me. It scared me that I trusted Cody or liked him enough to believe that he could comfort me.

This morning I called Renfrew and I have an assessment on monday. Cody texted me and we’ve been texting today. I am crazy exhausted though, so I’m probably going to take a nap later and Cody said he would call me so I wouldn’t sleep the day away. That’s sweet of him.

I just hope I can get the eating or -lack there of- under control. I know there are reasons why I don’t wanna eat, like Owen and having to do EMDR, and Cody because I do like him and that scares me, and nerves about going to a new school and whether I’ll fit in or not.


Quick Silver almost gave me a heart attack…

So I am making tea in my apartment when I get a call asking if I can give him a ride back to his dorm. I say sure. He gets in the car, and I mention this thing my therapist told me to ask him.

Sidenote- I had therapy today and because I was talking about friends and leaving and how sad I would be, she told me to ask Quick Silver to list all the qualities, inner and outer, that he see’s in me, or feels from me and why he chose me as a friend.

So I mention that he could make like a graphic design poster with his signature thing that he made and stuff, so we will discuss that further later.

But then on the ride home he tells me, “I need to talk to you about something. It’s going to be uncomfortable, and you might be upset, but- wait, I’ll just tell you when we get to the parking lot.”


My heart dropped. I thought he was going to well, I don’t even want to write it, but if you’ve read my past posts about Quick Silver you can guess what I thought he was going to confront me about.

So we get to the parking lot, he tells me to drive to the top floor for privacy. At this point my heart is racing and I’m trying to think my way out of what I think he is going to confront me about.

We almost get to the top when I see Captain America pulling out. I stop my car mid road in the parking lot, hop out and he opens his door and I give him a huge hug and ask if we can hang out before I leave. So Captain America and I will hopefully hang out tomorrow evening!


I get back in my car and park on the top level. It takes Quick Silver about 5-10 minutes before he really speaks much of anything, all the while I’m dying inside, getting nauseous.


Quick Silver comes to some epiphany, and realizes what he was going to confront me about, well it wasn’t even me. I can’t get into details because it involves Quick Silver and people in his life, but it was a mistake.

Basically he thought I was having suicidal thoughts, and was freaking out and thought I would be angry at him or something. I literally was so relieved when he told me that. I dodged a bullet! But then we got talking about many other things.

Quick Silver was very nice yesterday and mentioned how he tried not to look at my blog page much to respect my privacy. I thought that was sweet. But we got talking about Andy and his girlfriend. Fuck. This conversation was intensely painful.


We get talking about Andy’s gf and her worries and then cheating comes up. Quick Silver was like, “Well at least Andy hasn’t fucked up in a big way, like cheating.” I stay silent. I can’t betray Andy and I can’t lie to Quick Silver so I just stay silent, and then I kinda panic and say, “This is making me uncomfortable, let’s not talk about Andy and the possibility of cheating, I just don’t like this conversation.” Quick Silver was suspicious of me but dropped the conversation. I was emotionally exhausted after all that.


We then went on to talk about him a bit and how he honestly doesn’t care about romance or any of that stuff and he can’t imagine him falling in love. We have very different ideas of what we want out of our future. Quick Silver wants a successful career where he can travel. I want a successful career, with a husband, house, dog and cat.

Quick Silver and I ended up sitting in my car for at least an hour. But in all honesty, I was so glad to have hung out with him today. So far today has been an amazing day! And before leaving, Quick Silver was like, “We’re good right?” I was confused, and said, “What do you mean?” Quick Silver was like, “You’re not mad at me anymore about almost giving you a heart attack, right?” I was like, “Of course not! Totally past that. We’re good.” He replied, “Okay, good.”

Quick Silver and I will hang out saturday, the day before I leave. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am really going to miss him and Andy.



Had an amazing weekend!


Even though its finals weekend I had a blast. I hung out with Richard and our friend that I go to group with. We went downtown and drank and just had fun. Then I had a day to myself where I got to relax and get some work done. Today I got to see that guy I had a lunch date with last week! Then after that I hung out with one of my girlfriends.

My date today went really well. He really is a sweet guy. I have definitely had fun hanging out with him.



Lunch went well!


I had fun! I actually had fun. Of course at first I was nervous but once I relaxed I enjoyed his company. Though it was awkward because the guy who hit on me for the spine skeleton jacket I have works at Panera! He recognized me and it was awkward. But the guy I was having lunch with was nice. Quiet, shy, introverted, passive, but nice. The fact that he was a more passive and quiet guy made me feel more comfortable. When lunch was over and we were parting ways he suggested hanging out again. I think I might take him up on that.

Today I took a step forward. I feel very accomplished. I am glad I took the chance.