Finals, Holidays, and Work… It Never Ends

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Finals are this week. I have two classes, and one of them ended last week because we, as a class, agreed to turn in the final early. My other class, I have a presentation tomorrow. A bit nervous and hoping it goes well. Cody’s presentation for his class is tomorrow. So tonight, after couples therapy, we have work to do!

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Holidays are… up and down. First, we haven’t even decorated the house for Christmas at all this year. It’s been crazy busy. Second, we are so behind on getting people gifts, and three, we don’t have much money to get people gifts…. so it’s going to be interesting this year. We got Baby A two gifts so far and that’s it. We still need to get my mom and dad gifts, his dad and siblings gifts, and each other gifts. Then we are going to Cody’s aunt’s house for Christmas eve… and that hopefully will be a fun night!

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My business is going well in my opinion. I am having a lot of fun with it. My clients love my coaching programs and are seeing results. The one thing I just hate about business is the advertising and marketing. That’s my struggle. I’ve always struggled to put myself out there, so it’s been challenging to “promote” my business. I am all about honesty and I want to make sure that readers and clients can see the genuineness. I just am always working. If I am not at my internship or doing school work, I am running my business. There are so many things I’ve learned in this journey of creating a business… and one thing that I learned is I need to make some money so I can get a freelancer to do some of the work that I am not a fan of doing and not as skilled at doing.

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Cody and I have been doing really well for the past month. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, you may think, “Wait, didn’t they get married over a year ago and she is saying only for the past month they’ve been good?” Yeah. Well, there have been the ups and downs, but if Cody wasn’t facing his addiction and damage, we weren’t moving forward. Cody and I have been doing the Intimacy Anorexia books. I am not an IA though closed off because Cody seemed to not care, and so we are doing them together, and I can’t even tell you how amazing we have been doing.

Cody actually talks to me, has been less angry and facing his past, and it’s been nice. I even told him it feels like we have “us” back. So, fingers crossed, we are going to keep this upward trend.

Another thing, Cody has been inspired by me creating a business that he wants to create his own business too. I want to support him in it, but also, given that I am trying to run a new business, I personally feel adding on another new business at this very moment wouldn’t be ideal. I think it’s great he wants to do it, and I want to help him, create his website for him and more, but I think we need to be more strategic about it. So I’ll be mentioning that over the holidays as we continue to talk business.

How is everyone else doing with Holidays and family this year? Hope you’re all doing well!

XOXO Anna

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Ups and Downs of Living on Your Own

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I remember when I was back at SCAD and I enjoyed being away from my parents for the first time. The first two years I lived on campus and had some interesting roommates, some great and others that were not so great. I still stay in touch with two of the roommates I’ve had over the years. Third year I lived in an apartment, with one of the roommates I still talk to from time to time. That was my first time I felt like I was living on my own, because it was an apartment and not a dorm. I learned a lot about my living habits that year, and Cody and I moved into our apartment three months ago and the experience has been bittersweet. So let’s see some positives and negatives that come with living on your own.

Positives:

  1. Freedom: You don’t have to listen to your parents nagging you to clean or do homework. You can be free and make your own decisions, and be an adult. If you want to clean the dishes twice a week instead of doing dishes right after you use them, that is now your choice.
  2. Less Conflict: You have less people to fight with. When at home you have parents or siblings, and for my house, the more people that were there, the more fights. With just Cody and myself we don’t argue a lot, unless we don’t know who is doing what chore.
  3. Independence: You get the sense that you are independent and growing up. You start having to deal with real life things like learning how to budget, taking care of a place, and making choices on your own as an individual.

Negatives:

  1. Bills: That is something you and a roommate or partner will have to talk about and not forget. Knowing you and your roommates strengths and weaknesses are key. Since I know that Cody gets distracted, I make sure to keep track of when payments are due and make sure that we have enough money when bills come up.
  2. Budgeting: That is still something I am trying to get the hang of. I have this app, Wally, that is great. I can keep track of what I spend and make and same with Cody. You can see how much you’ve spent in a month and what you spend your money on. Once getting an idea of what you spend and on what, you then can make cuts or adjustments.
  3. Responsibility: This can be a positive or a negative, but in my case it sometimes feels like a negative. Living in an apartment means you are responsible for whatever happens to the apartment while living there. If there is any damage done you have to fix it or pay for it at the end of a lease. If any issues happen you have to take care of it, instead of having someone else do it. You have to do your own laundry, cooking, and cleaning, which isn’t always fun.

Living on your own is a great accomplishment, though, can be strenuous at times. I personally love living in an apartment with a roommate or partner better than living at home because I feel more grown up and feel independent. Being out on your own makes you learn a lot of things about life very quickly, which isn’t a bad thing. Anyone else have any positives or negatives to living on your own?

XOXO Anna

Memorial Day Weekend

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I haven’t posted since last week and that is because last week was finals, a friend visited for the weekend, and I gave Cody a surprise birthday party. I know three weeks after his birthday, which is why he never saw it coming.

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But the weekend was eventful. It was nice having my friend visit. Cody loved his party. We had been arguing a lot last week and we figured out what was going on with us. It was money stress. We both had been stressed because our rent was coming up, which we paid yesterday. But Cody and I talked! We talked about it, and later that night we talked about other things that were on our minds. The fact that we talked made me feel so good.

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Oh! Also we got a kitten, her name is Emily. Luvas before we got her was crying a lot and seemed lonely. We got a kitten and he originally hid under the bed for the first few days but now, a week since we’ve gotten her, and they can sit on the couch together. Luvas does need his space from her at times (like at night) but he doesn’t mind being in the same room as her or her following him around (with a couple feet in between of course). But it takes cats a while to get used to each other. That’s another thing. Cody and I have been like parents since we moved out.

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Luvas, before we got Emily kept us up all night every night crying because we wouldn’t give him attention. Now Emily sometimes keeps us up, or Luvas will if Emily is causing him stress. Since I am officially out of school, and Cody still have work in the morning, I do the “night-shift” with our cats. I’ve been up since 3:30 am. I eventually got out of bed at 5:30 am and started organizing our finances and looking over bank stuff while keeping the cats occupied so Cody could sleep. I’m crazy exhausted, but at least I can nap at some point in the day so I can feel rested.

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Also I got grades back! I got an A in my abnormal psych class and my police class. I am still waiting to hear from sociology, but I think I got an A…and if I did then I will have gotten straight A’s, and have a 4.0 GPA which I’ve never accomplished. So fingers crossed I got an A in sociology!

Cody just came stumbling out of the bedroom wondering why I was up…he is so cute!

XOXO Anna

Stress, Cutting, and Moving Out

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It’s been a hectic couple days. Since last friday I’ve been dead tired and dizzy…all the time. I have felt like I’ve been in a dream like state, which freaks me out. Today is the first day I feel like slightly better. Then I had an exam on tuesday, so I was stressing for that. I went home early because I was so exhausted and slept the rest of that day away.

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Cody went to parkour, and my parents told me that Cody and I have to move out because India might be coming home and she refuses to come home if Cody is living there. So Cody and I have found some places we want to look at. This saturday we are going to look at a house, a house. It’s multifamily, but I think the owner lives on the first floor and then if we got the house we would get the second floor, a balcony, deck, and the attic. The description says it is a 2-3 bedroom so we would have plenty of space.

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But back to my parents telling me India might be coming home, things were stressful. See I have tried to figure out so many things I could do for Cody’s birthday and each plan keeps falling apart. So because India might come home, what I wanted to do for Cody can’t happen…at least not the way I wanted it to, and I ends dup crying over it and my dad apologized because he knows how much I’ve put into it- or was putting into it. There were some other things going on tuesday that were stressing me out, and I was extremely depressed over India possibly coming home. It’s not because I don’t want her to come home, because I miss her a lot, but because it means Cody and I have to move out within six weeks essentially. So moving, finals, and everything else…it’s just overwhelming. So I took a bath and grabbed the safety pin and cut before I even thought about what I was doing.

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When Cody got home he wasn’t happy and asked me why I did it. I explained and we talked and everything. We ended up arguing a little later but made up. I yelled at him and he made a comment about my cutting. We both did things wrong but apologized and made up.

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Cody was thinking about getting a second job possibly if need be. I personally would hate it if he had to do that, but again, Cody really wants to be able to financially support us, it’s important to him that he is capable of doing that. I don’t think I posted about Serena’s party, but it was not fun. I was exhausted. But see, Cody told me that to him, he felt like he can’t give me an engagement ring until he feels he can financially support us and that we are stable. To most women maybe it’s not romantic, but to me it was the sweetest thing to hear. I couldn’t believe he felt like he didn’t deserve to marry me if he couldn’t support us financially. I thought it was ridiculous, but I could understand where he was coming from and how he grew up. But it was super sweet because that meant he was serious about marriage and wasn’t taking it lightly. He was really thinking about the reality of it and such, which made me happy. I’ve thought about marriage in the reality way of finances, living situations, career, school etc. and how we would handle all that. I was so happy to see Cody was thinking with the same level of seriousness and maturity.

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But it’s been a stressful week. I hope that this house we see is good because it would be a freaking dream if it was good and worked out. My parents however are being… stubborn? I understand that they have been very understanding about Cody and I living in the attic of their house and financially supporting me with school and such, but they told me they wouldn’t co-sign for any place Cody and I move, and they said Cody’s dad would have to co-sign. So Cody has to mention that to his dad. I just feel like I’ll be less stressed once I know our living situation is secured. I don’t want to feel like we are going to be kicked out with no place to live.

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I feel like instead of having the time to plan our move and everything it is now rushed, which is where my stress is coming from. Before this all happened Cody and I had a plan to move out by next winter, which was nice because it meant Cody had more time to save for rent, and Cody seemed to think prices would be better in winter because no one wants to move when it’s snowing. But life threw us a curve ball, and we are handling it. Cody is completely calm and collected, and I have to say I admire him for that because I am so stressed by this. But then again that is where our personalities differ, which is fine because he keeps me relaxed but I remind him of the realities and that we need to make decisions in a timely manner. But the one thing that made me practically tear up was when Cody said that the only thing that mattered to him was that wherever we moved he wanted to make sure I was safe. He wanted to make sure that he didn’t have to worry about me if I was in the house or apartment alone without him because of crime and such. It was so sweet to hear him say that he would live in a shittier apartment if I was safe because it was a god neighborhood.

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Fingers crossed about this house this saturday, and if not this house, then one of the apartments we will see! Also at the moment I have A’s in all my classes!

XOXO Anna

Hot and Cold?

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Cody mentions marriage, right? Those of you who’ve read my posts, you know Cody is the one who mentioned marriage and a future with me first. I would have never done that. Today after I was getting our finances figured out, I told him that when we got married I didn’t want an expensive wedding. He was like we don’t have to talk about this now.

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I said I know but I didn’t want to get to the point where he proposes and we had different expectations. I just felt shot down. Like Cody was about to walk out of the kitchen to go back to work and it took every inch of courage to say that to him. I honestly have never been okay with thinking about marriage and a future with a guy…like ever!

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The fact that I, for the past week, have felt like it’s okay to talk about and its normal is huge. I was getting comfortable with the idea. Now I feel like I shouldn’t really mention it…and that’s probably stupid, but I just feel I don’t know. It’s just part of me is excited to talk about it because I never thought I would get to have that. Then part of me feels like it’s too good to be true and that I should keep my mouth shut and pretend that isn’t even an option.

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I grew up learning that you were not supposed to talk about marriage to a guy if you wanted them to stay with you. I know that sounds warped, but it’s what my friends and society has taught me. So the fact that Cody was the one to mention it and will talk about it completely confused me at first. But he does talk about it, so I thought it was okay to talk about. When I tell him how it made me feel later he will say I am being ridiculous and that of course we can talk about it. At least I hope that’s what he would say.

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I guess my worst fear would be him having doubts about wanting to marry me, and I guess him saying that comment made me feel like it was that, which I know it isn’t, but yeah. I know my feelings can be irrational or stupid, but I can’t help it. I mean, honestly just writing this post has made me feel better. But also! Talking expectations…Cody expects that our parents will pay for the wedding. Now I know nothing about weddings, but is that true? Most times do parents pay for their children’s weddings? Or do the people getting married pay for it?

XOXO Anna

Cars, Finances, and Marriage

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Yesterday after I posted about my car, I went to Honda to have them look at it and they said everything was fine. They looked at the tires and said it was good. I was driving home and I took a turn down a hill and my car lost grin on the road and I almost went off the road, and if I had gone off the road I would have flipped the car, gone down a hill into someone’s house. I was so scared. Luckily I did get the car under control and I went to the mechanic that Cody goes to. They said something about the differential fluid or the electric steering causing over or under steering. For now I am driving Cody’s car and he is taking my moms Range Rover.

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This morning Cody and I got breakfast before he went to work. We were talking and then he commented on marriage. He mentioned taxes and if it would be beneficial to not get married versus getting married. At first, my thought was, “That’s practical to think about.” Then my thought was, “Wait, did he really just say that if it wasn’t financially good to get married we wouldn’t until later on?”

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By the end of our breakfast I let him know I was still upset about that comment. I told him it made me feel like he was going to marry me because of financial gains, or wasn’t going to marry me because of financial losses. He realized how stupid his comment was an apologized and told me he would marry me no matter what and it had nothing to do with money. That made me feel better, but I was still in shock about the comment I guess.

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Maybe I still am a bit. I mean, I am now looking into being married versus staying single, not that it would have any affect, I would just like to know. Cody also said that when we do get married we have to think about what we are going to do next with finances, and that’s really what he meant by his comment. It’s true though. Would we stay in an apartment? Would we rent and look for a house? There are so many questions that involve finances. It’s good though to think about finances.

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He said his comment was stupid because he said he was going to save up his money to $3,500 for a ring. He said if he was willing to spend all his money on a ring, it shouldn’t matter whether we have better taxes married versus single or vice versa. I personally know nothing about weddings and rings. I honestly thought $1,000 was a lot to spend on a ring, but then again I’m not a materialistic person and I don’t like spending a lot of money on stuff. The fact that Cody wants to save up $3,500 for a ring for me is so sweet, and honestly I was shocked. He said the least I deserve is a ring that is $3,500.

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Our family friend just got engaged, and we have an employee of my parents company who has been engaged for a while and she said her boyfriend spent $6,500 on hers. I am sorry but that much for a ring is kind of ridiculous. I mean, it’s sweet and romantic, but honestly because I am someone who likes practicality and romance, I would be fine with a less expensive ring as long as it was my taste in style. I mean, wouldn’t one rather spend that much money on a nice vacation versus a ring? That’s just how I think about it.

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But yeah, so we talked and now I said if we really are serious about starting to save money, and build credit, and start doing the whole stock thing, we need to actually do it. I said we can each have $100 to spend a week, so together we have $200 a week and save the rest. I had a credit card but it expired, and I think my dad said it was on me and if I paid it on time I would be building credit for myself, but I can’t remember. I’ll have to ask my dad about it. And if not, then I’ll talk to him about a credit card where I can slowly build credit. Also I’ll talk to him about stocks again and actually have him help me set that up.

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Hoping that we are going to be actually good at saving. I got home and saw how much I’ve spent in 9 days… and the numbers aren’t good. Saving is going to be harder than expected.

XOXO Anna