Christmas, Finances, and Marriage

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I don’t know about any of you, but honestly, this Christmas has pretty much hit us hard. We are going to have to recover from our spending. I know that we want to get everyone things they really love, but sometimes those things are out of our price range. I know that we still haven’t gotten my parents or his parents and siblings gifts. I hope that us bringing something like food or maybe a homemade gift will be okay because we just don’t have the money to spend.

I got Cody some stuff, we both got Baby A some stuff, Cody got me something, and yeah. The holidays are really hard, not only because of potential family stress but financially they are really hard on families with low income. Or, well, in our situation our families are financially comfortable, whereas we are financially scraping by. I guess it just sucks that there is a huge gap between where we are and where our parents are financially. It’s to be expected with this economy and having a kid so young, but it still really sucks.

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I hope that our presence and maybe us bringing food or stockings will be sufficient. I’ve never been in a situation like this where our finances were so tight that it was suffocatingly tight. I am really good and smart with money and Cody … isn’t. But I think he is trying to get better with money. Money has been one of those contention points for us. I am all about Delayed Gratification and Cody is very Instant Gratification. Cody wants his coffee, now. I am fine to just use a Keurig cup and not go out to get The Best coffee. That is just one example, but we have tried to come to compromises. So far we are still trying to figure it out…

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Sadly Cody doesn’t always have the best attitude about the money stuff. And I get it, it’s VERY stressful. But we are parents, which means money goes to Baby A first and foremost, and then survival needs, and anything extra we can put away into savings or something. I think Cody is finally getting on board that he will have to give up some little luxuries so we can save and get by. Plus we want to save to get our own place… that isn’t going to happen if we never put money into savings.

I am hoping after the holidays/New Year that we can actually start saving more, and we can really come up with a solid game plan about finances that makes both of us happy.

Anyone got any great financial/budgeting advice?

XOXO Anna

 

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The Week From Hell

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I don’t even know how to begin this post. Let’s start with last wednesday. I posted about Cody’s struggle to breathe. It started on wednesday and was nonstop all weekend, and today he still is struggling to breathe normally. We took him to an urgent care place on friday. He refused to go to the ER, and on saturday we wanted to, but his dad didn’t want him to go because he figured there wouldn’t really be specialty doctors to treat him if needed. On sunday I finally got Cody to the ER because his eyes were yellowish. I can’t go into detail about all this because it’s all a blur.

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The emotional and mental stress was and is huge. Worrying non stop about your partner’s struggle to breathe, and when you’re partner says they can’t breathe and you have to calm them down, all while keeping it together and doing anything they need. I’ve definitely been restricting. Cody’s lost weight rapidly because he’s been too nervous to eat. I’ve done everything for him. Everything. Held his hand, stayed by his side, held him when he cried, reassured him when he was scared, raced in a car to get him to his dads, an urgent care facility, and the ER, help him with the inhaler they gave him, and much more. I am exhausted. Cody has felt slightly better today.

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All Cody did was talk about cars while he was scared because it made him feel better and that’s fine, even when I tried talking about something else, and he cut me off and changed the topic. Today we were going to try and relax and have a good day until his doctors appointment tomorrow morning.

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While at the ER, I was offended he didn’t put me down as an emergency contact because I’ve put him down as one of mine. I wrote a note in my phone about it and showed Cody because he asked and I told him to write a response back, and he didn’t. His dad was sitting next to us, and he was like, “Dad she is upset because I didn’t put her down as an emergency contact. Anna that’s stupid. Why are you upset over that? Because it means you’re less of family? Not as important?”

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I felt utterly humiliated. I didn’t want his dad to know and that was just terrible. Cody threw me under the bus again later when we were out of the ER and I didn’t want to sleep at Cody’s dads house on a couch again with Cody. Cody told his dad, “Anna doesn’t want to stay here.” I felt humiliated. Of course I was willing to stay if that is what Cody needed, but I was being honest with Cody because he asked, and then told his dad. I feel like I’ve looked so bad to Cody’s dad over this weekend. That sucks because before all this, on friday his dad said that he is glad we are together and sees how good we are for each other and he thanked me for taking such good care of Cody through all this.

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I know Cody isn’t feeling well, I get that, but does that mean that he gets to take it out on me? I just…I’ve already tried to heal from his secret porn addiction and help him in recovery, all while dying inside from the pain of betrayal. I’ve tried being as nice and comforting to him through his breathing struggles, dropping everything when he needed me. Maybe I am being selfish or but-hurt, but it sucks when the person you love doesn’t seem to respect you at times. It’s hard being the strong one. The one who takes care of the other person and does everything. Cody does stuff, but I just feel like the progress we had made has been set back because of how much he would snap at me and belittle me. Sorry for the vent.

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It’s just in the car ride home today, I finally cracked and told him I was sick of hearing about cars and him changing the topic whenever I talked about anything that was important to me. I made a comment, jokingly, about how his brother was more attractive than he was (which his brother isn’t-totally not my type at all, even though they’re twins) and Cody called me an asshole and put me down again. I told him it was a joke and I was sorry for exploding about him talking about cars and stuff. He eventually said “Leave me, I don’t care.” That hurt. After everything I’ve done for him, he says he doesn’t care if I leave him. I know it was said in the heat of a moment, but my god, way to plunge a knife in my back – or should I say the heart.

XOXO Anna

Memorial Day Weekend

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I haven’t posted since last week and that is because last week was finals, a friend visited for the weekend, and I gave Cody a surprise birthday party. I know three weeks after his birthday, which is why he never saw it coming.

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But the weekend was eventful. It was nice having my friend visit. Cody loved his party. We had been arguing a lot last week and we figured out what was going on with us. It was money stress. We both had been stressed because our rent was coming up, which we paid yesterday. But Cody and I talked! We talked about it, and later that night we talked about other things that were on our minds. The fact that we talked made me feel so good.

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Oh! Also we got a kitten, her name is Emily. Luvas before we got her was crying a lot and seemed lonely. We got a kitten and he originally hid under the bed for the first few days but now, a week since we’ve gotten her, and they can sit on the couch together. Luvas does need his space from her at times (like at night) but he doesn’t mind being in the same room as her or her following him around (with a couple feet in between of course). But it takes cats a while to get used to each other.┬áThat’s another thing. Cody and I have been like parents since we moved out.

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Luvas, before we got Emily kept us up all night every night crying because we wouldn’t give him attention. Now Emily sometimes keeps us up, or Luvas will if Emily is causing him stress. Since I am officially out of school, and Cody still have work in the morning, I do the “night-shift” with our cats. I’ve been up since 3:30 am. I eventually got out of bed at 5:30 am and started organizing our finances and looking over bank stuff while keeping the cats occupied so Cody could sleep. I’m crazy exhausted, but at least I can nap at some point in the day so I can feel rested.

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Also I got grades back! I got an A in my abnormal psych class and my police class. I am still waiting to hear from sociology, but I think I got an A…and if I did then I will have gotten straight A’s, and have a 4.0 GPA which I’ve never accomplished. So fingers crossed I got an A in sociology!

Cody just came stumbling out of the bedroom wondering why I was up…he is so cute!

XOXO Anna

Stressed to the Max

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It’s spring break and I finished my rough draft of my Sociology paper, which I chose to write as a blog post, which I want to post once I edit it. Then I still have my police paper to write, but I have to finish listening to Serial Podcast and then I can start trying to write it. I then am meeting the child I am going to hopefully babysit on saturday. It’s not really a babysitter since she is 11, but its more of just watching her and taking her to her activities. It will help bring in some extra money, which Cody and I will need.

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I’ve mentioned that Cody and I are trying to move out. Well, it’s been hectic. Last week we saw the apartment, we LOVED it. We got the application, we filled everything out, we worked out a budget (I even am getting a part-time babysitting job)…everything is done except for his dad signing the cosign for the application. This is the application! Not even the lease. I’m scared that we are going to lose our hold on this apartment. I am praying to the gods that by the time Cody gets his dad to do the paper work and us turning it in that the apartment is still available…Fingers crossed!

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Also I’ve tried talking to India, and she is very upset. She feels our parents love me more simply because they are giving me more money for the apartment than they give her. I explained that Cody, mom, dad, and I all sat down and came up with the budget based on our spending and we even cut the budget down by $200 working with them. So I just hope India and I are okay. Cody and I are moving out simply so India can come home over the summer. She refuses to come home if Cody is here, so we are moving out for India. Don’t get me wrong, Cody and I want to move out, we just didn’t expect to be moving out this soon. We wanted to save more before doing this.

Hope everything works out though!

XOXO Anna

Waiting, Conversations, and Family Dinner Tonight

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Cody had a great interview with my parents company and he is starting off by going in on his off days from his other job, and once the company figures out exactly what is needed to be done, then Cody if the trial part goes well, will be working for them!

I am still waiting to hear back about my job application. The waiting is annoying. But Cody found two really cool apartment complex’s in perfect locations. If we both get the jobs then we will move out!

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Last night Cody and I talked. I will be honest, these past couple weeks I knew something was up with Cody, and I was worried it was me, but it wasn’t. Cody was just super stressed about his job, and the fact that he could be working for my parents has changed his mood completely! Cody and I were both honest with each other and we were both glad we talked.

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My mom just informed me that we are having a family dinner tonight at seven with our close family friends, who I really want Cody to meet! But tonight is a dinner with just the family, and we are going to tell them about my sister running away. I am really not looking forward to this dinner because last time I went out with them was right when I met Cody actually, and I ended up crying at the restaurant because of the conversation topic and how heated it got. So I am a bit nervous about dinner tonight…Hoping all goes well.

XOXO Anna

And…Action!

Time. I always thought Ethan was exaggerating when he told me how busy he was working on film sets and getting everything together, but now that I am working on my own project and someone else’s I am realizing just how much Ethan was right.

So much work has to be done!

There are forms to be filled out, casting calls, storyboarding, lighting, sound etc. Next week is dedicated to preproduction. And trying to make 8 different schedules be able to fit is incredibly difficult. This is the first film I’m working on with a crew and it is truly challenging me. It might sound as if I’m complaining, but in all honesty I am excited and having fun. Yes, this is proving to be more stressful than anticipated but this all excites me.

I can’t do a casting call until monday because my co-casting director is out of town this weekend. Storyboarding also has to be done next week, and I want to be able to do test shots next week to get all the bumps out of the way for when the real time to shoot happens. But with everyone having such different schedules it seems impossible to get the whole crew together.

What’s a writer/director supposed to do?

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XOXO Anna