Decided on college!


I chose my college yesterday! I paid the deposit and am going to be going there in the fall. It’s very different than going to an arts school though. It’s more sporty and it’s a more traditional college feel. I’m excited though for the experience! Nervous as hell about making friends. Excited for the Criminology and Psychology program!

My mom and I have been apartment hunting for the past two days and it’s exhausting. I liked this one place that’s like ten minutes from campus but it more expensive…my mom wants to still look because she thinks my dad will freak at the price. Hopefully we find a place… fingers crossed!



Visited my sister for the weekend!

So my dad and I drove up to my sister to visit her at school and it was a great weekend! I really needed something positive after having such a rough week. It was very strange seeing my little sister in college. It brought back memories of my freshman year and having shitty roommates.


My sister’s roommate feigns to be nice but damn I think she is a bitch underneath the facade she put on for me. Plus her boyfriend was there. The whole time. I feel for my sister. I personally would not be able to deal with such bullshit. There is a thing called respect and boundaries, none of which my sister’s roommate can comprehend obviously.


In college roommates are supposed to set guidelines/rules for the room. It’s totally disrespectful to have your boyfriend in the room 24/7. Just unacceptable. It’s an unspoken rule that you’re supposed to hang in the guys room anyway. At least that’s what it was like at my college. Then my sister has a mini fridge. It’s hers. The roommate asked if she could put some things in there because her mom was supposed to get her a mini fridge. My sister literally has milk in her own fridge and all the other space is taken up by the roommate.


I’ve told my sister she needs to talk to her roommate and like say that she hasn’t said anything this far because she didn’t want to cause conflict, but that things need to change. My sister’s room is very small, which most college freshman dorms are like. So in my freshman year where my room was maybe 3-4 times the size of my sisters, having my two roommates have a boyfriend over once in a while wasn’t bad. I can’t even imagine having a room as small as my sisters and having a roommate who has her boyfriend practically live there!

The joys of being a college student…

This week I’ll be flying to Florida to visit some schools I applied to and see if I can make a decision.



A Day Of Goodbyes


Today is my last day here. I had to get Ethan to drive me to a house to get my car and we said goodbye. I was running errands all day. Then I picked up Quick Silver and Andy and we went back to my place and we talked and had a photoshoot and goofed around. Quick Silver and Andy got into some wrestling matches to steal Quick Silvers beanie. It was really funny. Then they would dance to music and I totally recorded them on my camera. I got Quick Silver to take pictures of Andy and I and then got Andy to take pictures of Quick Silver and I.


Andy was pretty ridiculous. He planned out a storyline with the images he took and let’s just say it’s not exactly PG but when scrolling through the photos together Quick Silver and I were dying when we figured out how Andy took photos of us. Andy told me to send them to him, so I will once I edit them all. Plus I’ll post them online.

I drove them back to Andy’s and said goodbye. Fuck that was sad and painful. I hugged them and blabbered on about how great they were and how I would visit and how I would miss them. I then got hugs again. I cried on the drive home.


But I will hopefully be seeing them again once I come back here in a week to pack up. I know I’ll be seeing Andy because he is taking care of Luvas while I’m gone. Then I hope I see Quick Silver.

Fuck. I am going to miss them so much. If you’ve been reading my blog, you will know how AMAZING Quick Silver and Andy have been to me this quarter. I can honestly say without them, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. They are truly amazing friends. I can only hope and pray that I find amazing friends like them when I go to my new school.



Yesterday was also crazy

Went to my last group. On my way I see Owen’s car. Panic. Go to grip, vent, get it out. Then I hang with one of my girlfriends. Then I rush home to see two of my other friends. Then I go out with Richard and my friend from group and we go to the bars and party downtown before partying at a house party so I can say goodbye to people from my freshman year.


At the party I am tipsy/drunk and some guy starts hitting on me and asking me really strange questions. I immediately text Quick Silver because, Richard was supposed to be the DD and he was drinking. So Quick Silver and his friend came to get me. I was in the back of the car a bit drunk. It kind of is a trigger to Monster. I tried my best to keep present, but once we were on the street of my apartment, for some reason driving and passing under street lights triggered me.


Quick Silver had to take me up to my room and Richard texted me about me breaking his heart, and I was drunk and upset, so I threw my phone at the wall. I totaled my phone and Quick Silver gave me his phone to call my parents. I talked to my dad for a while. I calmed down and Quick Silver talked to me and gave me hugs and made sure I was okay before he left. I apologized to him like a thousand times. I felt so bad. Quick Silver assured me it was okay. He begged me to stay home today and just stay safe.



Had the craziest last day…

So after my preproduction class, I am heading to my evening class, and guess who I am driving behind? None other than Owen! It was so bad. Painful. Terrifying. I almost had a heart attack! I couldn’t believe it.



Then I head to class, all ready to have a PTSD breakdown so I call my sister and text Quick Silver. They each had their way of calming me down enough to give my final presentation.

After class I head back to my apartment, and park and am ready to break down in my car, when a freaking spider comes down in front of my face on his string and I almost scream. I swing my door open. I try to kill it by stomping on it on my seat, but when I lift my foot, it isn’t dead and gets away. I’m like, “Fuck This!” and I grab my shit and go to my apartment and break down in my room.



While breaking down and calling my sister I get a text from Ethan saying he can head over, so I say yes, and I try to pull myself together.

Ethan and I made up!


That’s all I can say. Yes the whole Monster thing was left unspoken about, and I won’t mention it really because Ethan needs time to accept it.


But I told him about Owen and he was supportive and understanding. So I was very thankful about that.


Also a bitch moment on Eric’s part, Eric invited Ethan to go to the bars the other week to go see Peter DJ. Peter, the guy who sexually assaulted me while Ethan and I were together! Ethan went, drank, and started talking about all the things he wanted to do to Peter, and Eric and his roommate got Ethan out of there.


Seriously Eric does have issues! He always has to create chaos. Like, Eric knows what Peter did to me, he was there in the aftermath, and he knows how Peter affected Ethan. Seriously Eric is FUCKED UP.



There were great moments tonight between Ethan and I. We had our classic moments. I really missed those. And of course Ethan would fuck up our goodbye.

I said, “Bitch. I love you.” Ethan replies, “me too.”

I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me? You fucked that up big time! You said, ‘me too’? Really? Jeez! I was thinking about that moment in dexter where deb says I love you to dex and he says I love you back and how excited she gets.”

“Well, knowing me of course I would fuck this up,” Ethan joked.

“Let’s try this again,” I laugh.

“Love you,” Ethan says, and hugs me. I reply, “I love you.”

So this was a crazy day, but it ended well.



It’s my last day…


Today is my last day at my school. That is crazy to think about. I still have my detective presentation later today, which I still need to prepare for… 😛 But I’m not sure how I feel about leaving. I mean, positive, obviously, but also a bit sad. The most prominent feeling, is freedom. I feel like I have a future. That’s the best feeling.


Changed my theme because…

I am leaving. I wanted a new theme to reflect my new start, my new adventure that I will be starting soon.

It’s more girly, but for some reason, I just feel more girly lately. I feel like I want girl friends, and want more than the experience of being a “bro”. At my new college I want to make good girl friends. In all honesty I always envy watching those great close friendships on TV between two girlfriends.


I have two girlfriends back home that I can be that way with, but none at college. So that’s one of my goals in my new start, is to embrace girlfriends, and not be afraid to be feminine.