Dreams and Therapy

Cody and I had a really great weekend. We went to the mall which was nerve wracking. I got this t-shirt that said, “Unicorns are real” as an inside joke between Cody and I because I told him when we first met he was a unicorn because guys like him didn’t exist. But last night I had a dream. I don’t know if I blogged about how Siena texted Cody about two weeks ago, but she did. If you haven’t read my blog, here is the post about Siena and how she got really annoying to my relationship with Cody. That will fill you in. Siena is Cody’s ex who is still in love with him and wants me and Cody to be broken up. It’s obnoxious and sad.

Anyways, my dream was about Siena. It’s hard to write about dreams in detail but I will do my best. In the dream I was in a dorm room at the college she went to with a girl, who was friends with Siena. Siena walked in with another girl trashing me, until she realized I was in that room. She was all decked out in a sequin dress, and makeup to perfection. In the dream she was actually pretty. I was sitting there in my normal clothes and my eyeliner. She radiated this aura of power and confidence, and I felt very weak, and submissive. In the dream she knew damn well she could take Cody from me. I wanted to punch her, but one girl said that Siena could beat my ass if I tried anything, so I didn’t do anything. I just sat there and took being submissive to her. I went into the bathroom to change and I chose the unicorn shirt I got at the mall. For some reason a cop came in and was trying to help me win and be able to keep Cody, or stop Siena from trying to take him from me or something. (don’t ask why a cop, I have no idea) Anyways, then later in the dream I was running down a side walk and Cody was chasing after me, but he could never get to me. He kept asking why I was running away and I told him it was because of Siena and I knew that I wouldn’t win. Then I woke up.

In therapy we went into more detail and took apart the dream. I’m not one to really believe that dreams can be accurate to what’s going on but there was a lot of insight I got from that dream. In real life I am not only threatened by Siena but I am over protective of her. See, Siena, as Cody describes, is an innocent sheltered girl who doesn’t know anything about the real world. In therapy we figured out that I get so angry about Siena and if she will try crossing a line because I am trying to protect everyone involved. See all of us get hurt if she crosses a line (i.e. suggesting to hang out or something like that, or just continuously not giving up on getting Cody).

Let me explain. If Cody is nice to her she gets the message that she still has a chance. How do I figure this? Because it was the same way with Ethan and me. If Ethan showed any kindness or interest in talking to me or hanging out, I immediately thought I had a chance to get back together with him. So that’s why I know that communication between ex’s can be misunderstood. So if Siena thinks she has a chance and then figures out she never did, she gets hurt. Cody then is hurt because he hurt her and he believes she a fucking fragile china doll that will break with the slightest breeze, which is bullshit. Then I’m hurt because I feel like he didn’t care about the boundaries that were supposed to be set, and I feel like he cares more about her feelings than mine. Plus I don’t wanna lose my temper on Siena because Cody failed to do his job. So you see, I just am trying to avoid all of us getting hurt. I don’t want any confusion. Siena needs to know she has NO chance with Cody nor will she EVER have a chance. I also believe that she needs some tough love so she can grow up.

I used to be exactly like her, but once I went through some shit I grew up and wasn’t as “breakable”. So the only way she is going to grow up is to stop thinking Cody will be there for her when things aren’t going right. I used to do the same thing with Ethan. Every time I had an issue I would always go to him, mistakenly thinking that, “oh he was there for me during our relationship, so he will be there for me now because he still cares like that.” Not the case. Does Ethan still care about me? Yes, but not in that way. Ethan even said that I shouldn’t be going to him because that’s not his role anymore. He laid down the law, and our friendship was saved. I learned that I was going to him because I was used to that dynamic and I was treating him as if we were still together. Hence why I see what Siena is doing. So, to end this, I just want to keep everyone okay and boundaries clear. And because Siena is very much like I used to be, I want to save her from all the mistakes and pain I’ve gone through. I just don’t want her to get hurt…I just she doesn’t deserve it, and I want to save her from unnecessary pain.

Now, Siena hasn’t texted him since two weeks ago, so do I think she is a problem right now? No. If she starts texting again, Cody and I already agreed he would set her straight. So I just had to vent about all this and get it out.

But on the plus side, Cody and I found an apartment, we are just waiting for his dad to sign the co-sign, and then hopefully we are approved and we move out.

XOXO Anna

Painting the Attic and Getting Sick

I hate getting colds and Cody got a cold on monday and I caught it too. So we’ve both been sick since monday. I didn’t go into work today which was good because I slept most of the day. Cody and I were going to go halloween costume shopping and go to open mic night, but with how shitty he’s been feeling today we decided to stay in once he gets home from work. Plus he has a math test tomorrow and needs to study for it.

We started painting the attic this past weekend and then we got sick so the bedroom is only half painted. But we really like the blue we chose. I can’t wait to move upstairs because there really is NO room for all Cody’s clothes and things. I posted it on FB and Siena texted Cody about it soon after and that proved my theory on her interest in him and wanting us to not be together. Even Cody was like, “There’s something up with her, she is acting weird you’re right.” That felt amazing to hear.

Things with my sister have taken a turn for the worse…in the beginning of my relationship with Cody there was one night were I was drunk and he was too and we had sex. It was a mistake, and I felt like really bad after it and Cody felt bad too knowing what it reminded me of. We worked through it and we’ve obviously moved on. My sister, though, thinks negatively of Cody because of that one night. She thought he took advantage of me, which didn’t happen. We both were drunk and we both decided to have sex. It was a bad judgement call on both our parts. But my sister told my parents about that night between Cody and I and things got awkward. My parents talked to Cody telling him this in no way changed the way they thought of him, because they know how much he and I love each other and respect each other, plus they trust my judgement and see that I’ve been nothing but better since meeting him.

Things in the house are back to normal but my sister told me that if Cody was moving into the attic that she wasn’t coming home for Christmas. She is also giving my parents a hard time. We are hoping things get better down the line with my sister but it takes two to tango, so until she is ready to make an effort things are going to stay the same.

XOXO Anna

Jobs, A Jealous Ex, Family Get Togethers, and Moving On Up

I know I haven’t posted in what seems like forever, but that’s because I have been working at my new job! I am a waitress at this diner, and I’ve been in training and tomorrow is my first day as a real waitress. When in training I didn’t get the tips from the tables I worked so tomorrow I will actually be making tips! Kinda really excited!

Also the other night we got together at a bar, Cody, me, his mom, his sister and brother. His grandparents were supposed to come but they didn’t. But when Cody’s siblings left, Cody and me stayed behind to hang out with his mom and we ended up having an awesome time. Cody’s mom said she loves me! Cody’s mom approves of me!! Seriously happy about that. Also Cody’s mom never liked Cody’s ex who we will call…Siena, so that made me happy too. AND Cody’s mom told us that Cody’s breathing issues could be genetic, so she said if Cody and I planned to have kids to look into that. All I would need is two shots during the pregnancy, but again, the fact that his mom talked about him and me having kids must mean she approves and everything. She said she really likes us together!!! Sorry just super happy from that night!

Also side note to what I’m talking about above, Cody’s ex Siena, has been really talking to him a lot and wanting to get together with him. Also there is proof that she is trying to make him doubt Cody and I. So for me, since I’ve had bad experiences with girls in the past, I got really upset. Usually in the past, if any girl wanted a guy I was after or had, I usually just walked away the second they showed interest because I knew they would “win”. So this was the first time I actually stood up and fought back and stayed instead of walking away. I told Cody that if she kept contacting him that much that he needed to tell her to give him some space. He respected that. THAT meant the world to me. Because I don’t deal well with manipulative bitches. Yes there’s anger. I apologize but I don’t take well to a girl trying to make the guy doubt me. I would post the pics of the conversation but then it gives identities away so I’ll just re-type the convo so you guys know what I mean.

(these conversations are anywhere from the first month of dating to last week. I’ll start off with the conversations that were earlier in our relationship and below are all gifs of the emotions I’ve experienced due to Siena)

[Back in the summer when I was in treatment]

Siena: Can you text me later when your not with Anna? I want to ask you something but it’s kinda personal.

Cody: ok

[later]

Siena: I just wanted to ask if your getting really serious with Anna…like I know it’s None of my business and you don’t have to tell me. But have you had sex with her?

Cody: yeah, we are getting really serious and I’ve already considered a long term relationship with her. And yes, we have had sex.

Siena: Okay I was just curious because it seemed like you were getting serious

————

Okay so my side note on that convo is that it truly was NONE of her business. Whether Cody and I had had sex is between CODY AND ME. Not her. So I wasn’t too happy when I knew Cody told her. That was the first time that Siena really upset me and it made me feel uncomfortable.

—————

[maybe month two of Cody and my relationship]

Siena: How’s Anna?

Cody: She’s good. I’m about to go on break with her.

Siena: What do you mean go on break with her?

Cody: I’m going on break right now to go to lunch with her.

Siena: Oh hahah I thought you meant like vacation

—————

This one my friend back from GA thought was really funny. She told me this was her favorite because Siena thought Cody meant break as in break up. Sorry sweetie but that ain’t happening.

———————

[week or so later]

Siena: How’s Anna?

Cody: She’s good

Siena: That’s good. Do you wanna hang out tomorrow around 11 or 12?

Cody: I got work in (location) 😦

Siena: Aww okay haha

———————————-

[week later]

Siena: Morning 🙂

Cody: Good morning

Siena: Whattchaaa doing

Cody: I’m with Anna and I’m about to go to work

———–

So I am sorry but NO ONE texts “Morning :)” to someone unless they’re in a relationship with that person. I never even did that with Cody (because he was always over) but with all my other relationships they would always text me “Morning :)” because what does a morning text say???? That when I wake up you’re who I’m thinking about. You’re the first thing I think of in the morning. So wasn’t happy about that. But Cody does admit she is getting jealous.

—————————

[When I gave Cody that surprise in the ferrari]

Siena: How are you and Anna?

Cody: We’re doing well, we’re gonna have a nice dinner tomorrow night and she’s got a surprise planned for me on sunday. I have no idea what we’re gonna do.

Siena: That sounds like a lot of fun. Where are you going to dinner? Is it like an anniversary or something?

Cody: No, she just wanted to do something nice.

Siena: Do you have any idea what the surprise is?

Cody: No, she says there’s two things we’re gonna do. I have no idea.

Siena: Let me know if it’s not too personal what she does hahah

——————–

I don’t like the last thing she said but it’s whatever.

—————————-

[month or so ago]

Siena: Cody are you really happy with Anna (8:38 pm)

Siena: You seem it and I’m really happy for you 🙂 (8:43 pm)

Cody: I really am thanks for asking 🙂

Siena: Good I’m glad 🙂

—————-

This one I put in because the time stamp in which Siena texted those two things shows that she got nervous when Cody didn’t reply, so she had to go and seem like she was happy for us.

——————–

[last week first day of my job]

Siena: Hey

Cody: Hey

Siena: What’s up

Cody: At home depot, getting paint what’s up with you?

Siena: hahahah right across the street. I’m at the preschool.

Cody: haha oh cool

Siena: I get out in like 10 minutes. Wanna meet somewhere? haha

—————————

Yeah wasn’t too happy to come home from work to know that.

Anyways, I sent all those texts to my friend in GA and she understand how girls work and she was laughing when she read them. She says that my worries about Siena being jealous and trying to plant seeds of doubt are reasonable. Also her roommate totally agreed with me that the girl was like way too into Cody and I and there had to be an ulterior motive.

Cody, once I got the courage to tell him all this and make my case, agreed with me too. Cody agrees she is jealous. But Cody thinks Siena is too stupid to be able to manipulate. I told him it was subconscious or it was inadvertent. He agreed. That’s when I told him if she keeps texting him to hang out or about Cody and me that he needs to tell her to give him some space, because in all honesty it’s making me uncomfortable.

And my friend in GA even knew that I had kinda cut back on talking with Ethan (my first love). How did she know that? Maybe Ethan told her? But seriously I gave up a lot of contact with Ethan and other guys because I knew it made Cody uncomfortable, so I figured the least he could do is do the same for me. Also when Ethan was with his next girlfriend after me, he told me to give him space so he could see if he and that girl could be together and work things out. Did I take offense? As a friend no, I totally got that. But because I honestly still deep down wished he wanted me, yeah that part of me wasn’t happy but I got it. And I truly care about Ethan, so if I care, I’ll give him space and let him do what he needs to do. That’s a true friend. I didn’t play the whole jealous ex thing. I did as Ethan asked and respected it.

But anyways, I totally got side tracked with that. Cody was at Home depot because he and I are not moving out of the house, but moving into the attic of my parents house. Our attic has a bedroom, bathroom, and hang out room, so it’s like a mini apartment or suite. It’s really nice, but it really does need to be painted.

Last night was pretty rough though. Cody and I weren’t on the same page about things plus I got triggered. Not a fun night. I even said to Cody that I was giving him an out, as in here’s another chance to leave with no hard feelings, but he said he didn’t want it, that all he wanted was me… so that was really fucking sweet. But we’re good now. I still can’t believe his mom likes me so much! That makes me happy, and I want to hang out with her because she is really fun! Plus Cody hung out with my mom the other day. He works for my parents company and so my mom told him to join her to go Maserati car shopping with her. I was so jealous! But yeah, I’m glad my mom likes Cody. I’m glad that my family likes Cody and that his family likes me! In my past relationships that’s never happened so I’m happy about that.

Anyways, hope everyone’s having a good day and I will try to actually blog more, just I haven’t had time lately.

XOXO Anna