Life is a Balancing Act

Between being a wife, a mom, a student, a relationship coach, and a victim advocacy intern, life is a bit crazy right now.

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When I am home, I am with Baby A or working, and if I am not home, I am at school or my internship learning and working. I also, with my relationship coaching, have to run the blog side, which entails of accepting and reading guest posts, making sure my regular contributors are meeting deadlines, making sure the content calendar is solid. I feel like I don’t get a moments rest most days. Oh, and don’t forget reformer pilates and couples therapy somewhere in all there!

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Last night was different, Cody and I were able to have an amazing date night at home. My mom got him a wok and a cookbook for Asian foods since that’s our favorite. He ended up making an amazing meal and we watched “Life As We Know It.” The funny thing is, we watched that movie when we were first dating and I was thinking I am not having kids, and Cody figured kids were far off in the future. Little did we know that Baby A would be arriving only two years later! But we loved the movie, even more, this time around. We appreciated those new parenting moments and laughed at how accurate some of those scenes were.

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Given that I’ve realized how busy we are, I decided to make my coaching hours between two days instead of three, that way we have one weekend day to ourselves. Cody, once school starts wants to work Saturdays from 5am-1pm. Which means I coach on Saturdays from 2:30pm to 8:00pm if I am 100% booked that day. I love the scene with Holly and Messer and the scheduling board because honestly, with how busy we are, I can’t keep track of Cody’s schedule as well. I used to be able to know both our schedules, but with a kid, it’s been more challenging to remember.

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My goal, though, is to make sure Cody and I get “us” time every week. Last nights date was amazing and honestly, with the holidays and finals, we were just running around constantly. It was so nice to just sit down with him and relax. Plus…the amazing sex afterward didn’t hurt as well! Seriously, making sure your sex life is stable while having a baby is a HUGE challenge. It takes planning. Yes, planning. Cody fought that concept for so long, but because we did cave to it, it’s been so helpful for us to stay connected.

What are some ways you make sure to make “you” or “couple” time when your life is busy?

XOXO Anna

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Christmas with a Baby is… Challenging

Cody and I love Baby A but we definitely struggled this year with getting around to all the family. Christmas Eve, we left Baby A home because he is teething with back molars coming in.

Christmas day we all opened presents as quickly as possible for Baby A’s sake. Cody totally outdid me for Christmas! He got me a cappuccino/latte Keurig machine! I was totally shocked. He also got me a typewriter, and a huge whiteboard with a section for a yearly calendar, goals, priorities, notes, etc to help me with my business. I got Cody tons of car tools and stuff which he loved! We got Baby A some really fun developmental toys.

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We later went to one of his aunt’s house with Baby A but once everyone was arriving it was too loud, so Cody took Baby A home and my parents watched him and Cody came back. It was a great evening with family.

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Today I will help my mom with making a post-Christmas dinner, and then have a weekly business meeting with my mastermind where we push each other to meet our goals and keep one another accountable.

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I have a couple beta testing my relationship coaching program and they have their first session on Friday! That means making sure someone is home to watch Baby A. I am so excited to work with them because their issues are exactly what my program tackles – communication, trust/fears, and sex. I also have my singles client on Friday and it’s his last session before graduating! He went from coming into the program dead set on winning his ex-wife back to coming to the realization that he doesn’t actually want her romantically anymore and is focusing on rebuilding his life. I am so proud of him and the work he has done. I absolutely love seeing the transformation of my clients and knowing my programs work.

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To me, part of my Christmas was knowing that my clients are in a better place, accomplishing their romantic and personal goals. I really look forward to working with the other couples that are interested, but wanted to wait until the holidays were over. I am so excited for 2019! So many plans and goals.

I hope you all had an amazing holiday season and I hope you all have an amazing 2019!

XOXO Anna

Soccer, in the Basement, with a Tennis Ball

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So Cody had a brilliant idea of playing soccer in the basement with a tennis ball and empty diaper boxes as goals last week. Tonight we ended up playing again. Baby A absolutely loves it when we play. He gets so excited and follows whoever is running. Parenting can be really fun. Family moments like these are the best. We don’t always get time to just relax and have fun.

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Mainly we are living “real life” with real-life responsibilities and such. We don’t make enough time for fun. Honestly, I hope we do this at least once a week. With how competitive Cody and I are with each other it really does make for a great night together. Cody ended up winning, which was a shock. He couldn’t aim at all, and his shots were way off base at least 70% of the time. I was on the floor dying of laughter at points. It’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that.

What are some fun things you do with your significant other?

XOXO Anna

What is the Disconnect???

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Obviously Undiscovered and Exposed has been around for a while, since 2014 actually, which to me, is crazy to think about! My other company/site has been around technically since August 2017 but I moved it to my own domain in Jan 2018.

On here I have 4x the amount of people following me, and I get more responses, likes, comments, etc. on here… so I wonder, what is the disconnect?

Am I just better at being anonymous? haha …Or, is it that because it’s anonymous I don’t hold back on here and I am less professional with my writing? Is it because it’s journal-style rather than educational? Or, is it because this entire blog here is a story, and it’s fun to follow a story and see where the story goes?

I guess I am just wondering how I can bring a little Anonymous Anna to my company… Maybe I’ll write a post from the perspective of Anonymous Anna and see how that goes.

I am not sure what to think though about that…but I’ll try it!

But I have to say, it’s nice to be back, here. I think I needed space to think, to get clarity without sharing everyone in an online blog. I definitely have clarity and a direction now. I know where I am going, my goals, and have learned so much in just one year.

I definitely want to write about what I’ve learned from being the partner of a porn addict, about porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and obviously about the first year of marriage with a kid as well. Those will be separate posts.

Anyways, I hope you all are doing well, and I appreciate the likes yesterday. I didn’t actually know if anyone would even remember this blog or me.

XOXO Anna

Recovery

Cody and I have been doing very well for the past month. We started couples therapy, EFT specifically and it has been one of the best decisions we’ve made in our recovery as a couple together!

In a couple days, it will be a year of Cody being clean and in recovery. It’s crazy to think a year has gone by since I found out about his addiction, but we have made so much progress, both as individuals and as a couple.¬†Cody even got an A- in Statistics! He hasn’t gotten an A in almost four years! He really has made so many improvements to his work and educational life. I still have plenty of triggers, but some triggers aren’t as bad anymore, and 95% of the time I realize his addiction has nothing to do with me. Only if it’s a day full of triggers do I get those thoughts of not being good enough.

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Cody asked me out on a date for Saturday, which was cute! I can’t wait to go on a date, we haven’t been on a date in about a month or so. So, it will be very nice to just go out, have dinner, talk, and go to the beach where we met almost 2 years ago.

Also, everything is good with the baby. We have an appointment in a week and a half and then near the end of June, we are going to find out the gender!! We can’t wait!

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Overall, it seems like things are going much better these past couple months. I am very happy about the progress and honestly, lately, it seems like we are finding “our love” again. It’s been very nice to hang out with him and just have fun. Back in the first couple months after I found out I couldn’t have fun with him, let alone be alone with him without being in pain. These days I enjoy his company much more. I think it’s because we have been talking a lot with each other, about a variety of subjects, but we’ve talked about the addiction a bit more and I think it’s been helping me process, and be able to move forward more.

XOXO Anna

Becoming a Parent

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I never thought I would be becoming a parent before I turn 24. My mom always had this vision for me. She knocked into my head, school, career, marriage, kids. I am currently close to getting my bachelors, only 9 classes left after I take 2 summer classes. I also want to possibly do volunteer work at a rape crisis center or the center for family justice in my county. Of course, I would have to wait a year or so to do that. Hopefully, I’d be able to do that while getting my Masters in Counseling, though I really have no idea what my life is going to be like at that point.

I am 14 weeks pregnant, and though the changes in my body make me squirm with discomfort on those days I feel insecure, the days I feel excited I see my body as something that protects my unborn child. I can’t wait until I have that ever so popularly known baby belly and can feel the baby kick. I think that will make it “more real” in my head. Not that I don’t think it’s not happening, it’s just there’s no obvious sign I’m pregnant. I’ve been lucky with minimal nausea and no vomiting, and some light cramping that probably is due to the uterus growing. Other than those discomforts and no period, my life hasn’t changed that dramatically.

We did pick out names! Cody and I liked Xander for a boy and Violet for a girl. I can definitely say that I didn’t expect to have a kid so young, mainly because I wanted to be financially secure and in my career beforehand. I am coming to the acceptance that I have to be flexible and rework the plan I had in my head for myself.

I cannot tell you how ridiculously excited I am to actually be a mother. I honestly wasn’t sure when I would feel the excitement but over the past week or so I’ve been having more exciting moments than anxious moments. The thought of seeing my baby and bonding with the baby just makes me smile. I plan to love this kid with all my heart. I only want the best for my kid, and for my kid to have good values, and be a kind person. I know that my kid won’t have all the newest and nicest toys or electronics, but I would hope that the love that Cody and I provide will outweigh the desire for the new things.

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The one thing I am struggling with is giving all the love I can to this child and balancing school. Also if I want to volunteer at a center (it’s only 2 shifts per month) I would have to make sure that Cody, my parents, or a babysitter could look after the child. Is it possible to do it all? Finish a bachelors, start a masters, be a mom, and possibly volunteer, and be a wife? And yes, I caught Cody buying the ring, and also know that he has the ring somewhere hidden in his car.

I know that being a parent means sacrifice¬†and that it means putting your child first. I also know that I want to help people, hence being a counselor and wanting to be a volunteer at a crisis center. I just don’t know how to balance those two things. I also know that I want Cody to not feel like I’m giving the baby all of the attention, I’ve read that some husbands feel neglected when a baby is first in the house because the baby does need a lot of attention. I know Cody and I will work something out.

I guess it’s the perfectionist in me worrying about doing or being it all. I don’t want to let anyone down – Cody, the baby, my parents, or myself- and that’s what I am struggling with.

Any moms want to comment and share how they handled juggling the many demands of life?

XOXO Anna

I’ve Been MIA because…I’m Pregnant

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I haven’t been on posting because I found out I was pregnant a month or so ago. I am 9 weeks and had the first ultrasound this week. Everything looks good. Cody and I are really excited! I just didn’t want to post this until I got the first ultrasound, hence the radio silence on my end. I am not sure how I’m going to tell people. Our families know, and now it’s about telling friends. I am not sure how they will react. I hope positively. I’ve told maybe 3 close friends so far and they have been positive about it. I know, I am 23 and most people will think that’s young. Hell I think it’s young, and this wasn’t planned but we are really excited for this. That is why I haven’t been on, trying to hold this news in until the first ultrasound and everything was cleared by the doctor.

XOXO Anna