Finals, Holidays, and Work… It Never Ends

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Finals are this week. I have two classes, and one of them ended last week because we, as a class, agreed to turn in the final early. My other class, I have a presentation tomorrow. A bit nervous and hoping it goes well. Cody’s presentation for his class is tomorrow. So tonight, after couples therapy, we have work to do!

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Holidays are… up and down. First, we haven’t even decorated the house for Christmas at all this year. It’s been crazy busy. Second, we are so behind on getting people gifts, and three, we don’t have much money to get people gifts…. so it’s going to be interesting this year. We got Baby A two gifts so far and that’s it. We still need to get my mom and dad gifts, his dad and siblings gifts, and each other gifts. Then we are going to Cody’s aunt’s house for Christmas eve… and that hopefully will be a fun night!

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My business is going well in my opinion. I am having a lot of fun with it. My clients love my coaching programs and are seeing results. The one thing I just hate about business is the advertising and marketing. That’s my struggle. I’ve always struggled to put myself out there, so it’s been challenging to “promote” my business. I am all about honesty and I want to make sure that readers and clients can see the genuineness. I just am always working. If I am not at my internship or doing school work, I am running my business. There are so many things I’ve learned in this journey of creating a business… and one thing that I learned is I need to make some money so I can get a freelancer to do some of the work that I am not a fan of doing and not as skilled at doing.

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Cody and I have been doing really well for the past month. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, you may think, “Wait, didn’t they get married over a year ago and she is saying only for the past month they’ve been good?” Yeah. Well, there have been the ups and downs, but if Cody wasn’t facing his addiction and damage, we weren’t moving forward. Cody and I have been doing the Intimacy Anorexia books. I am not an IA though closed off because Cody seemed to not care, and so we are doing them together, and I can’t even tell you how amazing we have been doing.

Cody actually talks to me, has been less angry and facing his past, and it’s been nice. I even told him it feels like we have “us” back. So, fingers crossed, we are going to keep this upward trend.

Another thing, Cody has been inspired by me creating a business that he wants to create his own business too. I want to support him in it, but also, given that I am trying to run a new business, I personally feel adding on another new business at this very moment wouldn’t be ideal. I think it’s great he wants to do it, and I want to help him, create his website for him and more, but I think we need to be more strategic about it. So I’ll be mentioning that over the holidays as we continue to talk business.

How is everyone else doing with Holidays and family this year? Hope you’re all doing well!

XOXO Anna

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What is the Disconnect???

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Obviously Undiscovered and Exposed has been around for a while, since 2014 actually, which to me, is crazy to think about! My other company/site has been around technically since August 2017 but I moved it to my own domain in Jan 2018.

On here I have 4x the amount of people following me, and I get more responses, likes, comments, etc. on here… so I wonder, what is the disconnect?

Am I just better at being anonymous? haha …Or, is it that because it’s anonymous I don’t hold back on here and I am less professional with my writing? Is it because it’s journal-style rather than educational? Or, is it because this entire blog here is a story, and it’s fun to follow a story and see where the story goes?

I guess I am just wondering how I can bring a little Anonymous Anna to my company… Maybe I’ll write a post from the perspective of Anonymous Anna and see how that goes.

I am not sure what to think though about that…but I’ll try it!

But I have to say, it’s nice to be back, here. I think I needed space to think, to get clarity without sharing everyone in an online blog. I definitely have clarity and a direction now. I know where I am going, my goals, and have learned so much in just one year.

I definitely want to write about what I’ve learned from being the partner of a porn addict, about porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and obviously about the first year of marriage with a kid as well. Those will be separate posts.

Anyways, I hope you all are doing well, and I appreciate the likes yesterday. I didn’t actually know if anyone would even remember this blog or me.

XOXO Anna

Been MIA… Might Be Back.

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That’s Us…Now.

Hey guys, so it’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve posted. Lots has happened, changed, and progressed. I checked back in here a couple weeks ago, shocked to find that people still come to this site and are reading.

I stepped away from this for various reasons. I have a kid, Baby A. I am finishing school (only classes away from graduation!!). I have an internship. I also started a business. Plus, marriage and all the ups and downs. It’s been crazy, to be honest.

After getting married and having Baby A, I honestly… was overwhelmed. Let’s just say childbirth was extremely traumatic for me. I still can’t watch those hospital shows with women giving birth I get nauseous at the thought of ever becoming pregnant again.

I love Baby A, but it’s a challenge. Being 24 with a baby is a balancing act. Also being married to a recovering porn addict has been a challenge. I can say that Cody is 2.5 years clean today! It’s been a long and amazing journey.

If anyone is interested in knowing more, given the whole anonymity here… you can email me at anonymousannaxo@gmail.com. My business is Relationship Coaching and I have another site. I am super excited. I have some beta clients right now, and they’ve already mentioned how much they like my programs and the benefit they’ve gotten (and they’re only halfway through the program!).

I have to say that it feels strange being back here. I have come so far. I’ve read some of my old content and I am thinking, “No, that was me?!” It’s funny. I have changed so much. More stable, mature, serious. I still can be fun, but with a one-year-old, responsibilities first, am I right?

Anyways, just am back to check-in…maybe I’ll post more. Not sure. But I hope all of you guys are doing well.

XOXO Anna

 

We’re Married!!!

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I am so happy! We got married yesterday and the wedding was so wonderful! It was small, and at our house, but the energy was amazing. So many people showed up, and everyone got along. It was such a beautiful evening.

Cody’s vows blew me away! I think mine blew him away too. I’ll post them below. I know a lot of people after the ceremony came up to me and said they were so touched by both of our vows, and said we both were such great writers! I thought that was cute.

Cody’s Vows:

Who am I? It should be a simple question. Not for me. I can always Answer that question. But the answers about a year or two ago, wouldn’t be very in-depth. It would be quite vague an idea of me the things I would have said as little as a year ago. I was pretty lost in life, not knowing what I was doing, with grades to back that up. I could be exceedingly selfish sometimes, albeit inadvertently. I was overall particularly disingenuous. I was absolutely not ready for a relationship when you found me. I was struggling with things that I didn’t even know about. You transformed me for the better and accelerated me mentally 10 years in about a year. I have never had so much confidence in myself and so much self-awareness. I definitely have never felt so confident in being a good father and husband.

            I know I have not always been trustworthy, but I hope you can trust me when I say that I will always love you. I will always be there for you, even if we are upset, down frustrated or whatever, I will still be there for you the second you need me. We have been and always will be the best of friends and a fantastic team. A team that is so strong together that we can get through anything and have an invincible resolve as we always have.

            This is such an important moment, there is still a little off about it. We’ve only been together for just over two years. Which arguably isn’t very long. Well, for people these days around our age it’s practically unheard of. It really is a short time but it has felt like the longest time being with you and I wouldn’t trade a single minute of it. It sure as hell hasn’t felt like two yours though. It’s felt a lot longer than that. I feel as if we already have been married this whole time. The way we are together and the way we get through the great times and the worst times. Neither of us have ever quit on each other. We have gotten considerably good at resolving with a mutually beneficial ending of any conflictions. I don’t think we could be readier to be married and I also think that we are ready to be parents. Maybe not prepared as much as we could be, but I do believe we are more than ready for the responsibility together.

My vows:

Cody, I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to be standing here today, marrying you. The past two years have been such an adventure, and I can’t wait to see what our future holds. You are my best friend. I have never been able to spend as much time together with someone without getting annoyed with them, but with you, I keep wishing we had more time in the day to spend together. I never tire of your company, and always love being with you whether we are doing something together, or we’re in the same room doing our own thing. Your presence is not only calming but safe. You’re the first man to make me feel safe and loved unconditionally. You are my teacher. I never was interested in cars until I met you. Now I know some car talk, and have watched you work on cars and can kind of follow what you’re doing or talking about. I know that within a couple years you will probably teach me how to do some of those things myself. You are my partner. Meeting you has been an amazing experience. I have learned so much from you, I have grown with you over the past two years, and I love you more with every day that passes. 

I know we have made it through a lot. Most couples our age wouldn’t make it through half the things we’ve encountered. I want you to know that no matter what challenges may lay ahead, I am here. I am by your side, now and always. I will always love you, support you, encourage you, and protect you. I am your best friend, a shoulder to cry on, your cheerleader, your partner. I will always push you to achieve your dreams. I will always protect you and be on your side defending you when needed. I hope you see that from today forward, you won’t ever be alone. You always have a friend, a lover, a teacher, and a partner by your side. You’ll always be safe with me. Together I know we can face anything. We balance each other out, with each of us having opposite strengths and weaknesses. I love our differences, and I love our similarities. I will always be yours. Even when I am gone, I’ll still always be with you. I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without you, Cody. I love you unconditionally, and can’t wait to start our life together as a family. 

So there they are. I absolutely love reading Cody’s vows, they make me tear up and feel so loved. I am so happy to be able to say I am his wife.

XOXO Anna

Getting Married on Saturday!

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I am so excited! Only 2 days until I get married, I can’t believe it. Thinking back to when I met Cody, and all of what we have been through, to know that we made it through all of it is such an amazing feeling. We still have work to do, and no couple is perfect, but I love him, imperfections and all.

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There are still little things that need to get done, but I know that everything will fall into place.  I just am so happy thinking about standing there in front of Cody, saying my vows. Cody and I sent our vows to the officiant last night. I am so proud of my vows, and I’ll post them after the wedding in case Cody reads this post! 😛

XOXO Anna

Triggers During Pregnancy

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I was extremely worried when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared that my anorexia (ED) would take over. If you’ve read my posts, you know I refer to my anorexia as ED. I still get ED attacks every so often. Not as often as I used to when I was really sick, but still when they happen they can be extreme. I had hot chocolate for the first time in…. maybe a year the other day. I absolutely had an ED attack. ED was telling me that because I drank hot chocolate I was going to be fat, so I had to eat salads for the rest of pregnancy. I know, it sounds crazy, even as I typed it. But when ED attacked, the scary thing is it seemed logical, rational. Luckily, Cody was there and calmed me down and grounded me and we talked through the irrational thought. I challenged myself by making sure I had hot chocolate again the next day, and also today, to de-stigmatize it. I still feel guilty that I drank it, but not horrible about myself.

Another trigger has been getting the classic pregnancy round stomach. There are days where I am happy about it, and I’ll  rub my stomach and talk to our unborn son, but there are days, when I feel so crappy about my body I don’t want Cody to see me. For the most part, I think I’ve been doing an amazing job with eating when I am hungry and doing my best to stay healthy. On the other hand, I feel guilty whenever I don’t eat a balanced meal.

I am nervous about post pregnancy and dealing with my body. I know that will be a challenge, but I am hoping that I can overcome it. I am taking one day at a time, and reminding myself that I have to nourish myself so our son can be healthy.

XOXO Anna

Vows

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So I have been mentally writing my vows for two months, and finally sat down to write them. I honestly wrote the most beautiful vows in my head last night and when I sat down this morning to write them I kinda went blank or maybe got anxious. I did another attempt and I really like the second draft. I still feel that I will re-write them or tweak them later today, but writing my vows made me so excited to be marrying my fiance, not that I wasn’t already excited, but I am excited to see his face when I read them to him. I can’t wait to see his reaction. I made sure to put something in my vows that I know he struggles with accepting, and I hope my vows show him he has nothing to be worried about. He is at therapy right now, and I just can’t wait until he gets home. I just want to hug him and tell him how much I love him and shower him in affection haha. I just hope that he gets his vows done this weekend so we can send them to our officiant.

After we get our vows done and send in the story of how we met, all we need to do now is get our wedding bands. I think everything else is done planning wise. Oh I need to get nude colored underwear, but aside from that I think everything is pretty set. I can’t wait until the 29th!

XOXO Anna