General update

Holy fuck. Lot’s has happened.

So I finally found out that the doctors can’t do too much to help my family friend. But there’s always faith and hope. It makes me truly sad to hear that. I’m not good at dealing with pain or sadness.

Eric and I ran into each other today…AWKWARDDDDD! I was with my friend and he was with his roommate. My friend took him aside and had a talk with him. I think today, and seeing him, made me realize that maybe I don’t want him as a friend or in my life. I know that is a complete 180 from what I’ve written before.

But it hit me that there he was, living life. He could have reached out and talked to me if he cared. He hasn’t contacted me even though my friend talked to him about me and how I felt. So I can only take that as him not caring. That hurts like a mother fucker. But seeing that makes me realize that I don’t need him in my life. I will always love him as a friend, someone who used to be family to me, but I am not sure if I can or am ready to forgive him for abandoning me as a friend when I really needed him.

Then I went to an AA meeting and I haven’t done that in a while. It was helpful because after seeing Eric today I cried in the ride home and broke down in my room. I couldn’t get myself to eat, so I ensured it. I had to ensure breakfast too, so all I’ve had today is 4 ensures and maybe 6 pringles. I hope that I have dinner though…maybe I will emotionally be up to it.

So yeah, lots has happened. I am currently trying to figure out my feelings and emotions toward Eric. Instead of going out partying every weekend he could have texted me to see how the case was going, or how my friend was doing, but no. He rather get wasted and try to hook up with some girl, rather than check on his friend who he knows is suffering. I think that says it all.

XOXO Anna